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Darnell Dandy’s declaration of clarity in an era addicted to options. This isn’t about settling down — it’s about standing firm. No maybes. No backups. No “let’s see where this goes.” This track is for anyone who got tired of being chill, vague, or emotionally noncommittal and decided to plant their flag with volume and conviction. From Sham Records, the label that believes love should be decisive, a little unhinged, and preferably come with a guitar solo. Fun Fact: During the recording of “Bitch, I Choose You!”, longtime Darnell Dandy bassist Rex “Thunderhand” Calhoun proposed to a woman he had just met in the studio parking lot. She said yes, then ghosted him three days later via carrier pigeon. They remain legally married in Delaware.

pace Jesus & the Intergalactic Poon Squad is the AI-generated, soul-saturating space opera you didn’t know you needed. A galactic origin story told through pure groove, holy side-eyes, and basslines thick enough to bend light. Before the fame. Before the funk. Before Jim Dandy tried to sell bootleg mixtapes during a baptism... Darnell Quiggley and Jim Dandy left Earth in a Ford Windstar strapped to a dream—and came back with a cosmic choir of freaks, thicc androids, and a mission to funk the galaxy back into alignment.

POOM TANG! is Darnell Dandy’s AI-generated masterclass in quiet confidence, clean vibes, and the kind of energy that walks in late, says nothing… and still steals the whole damn room. This ain't thirst. This ain't hype. It’s poise. Timing. Great shoes. And a whole lotta POOM TANG. Fun Fact: During the production of “POOM TANG!,” Darnell Dandy reportedly said only seven words in the studio across three sessions. One of those words was “vibe,” and the rest were just approving nods in different tones. Jim Dandy translated them into lyrics using a tuning fork and raw intuition.

I’m Putting Descartes Before the Whores is the AI-generated ska-pop existential crisis you didn’t know you needed — an upbeat anthem for anyone who’s ever brought philosophy to a party and left with a mild panic attack and a footnote. Jim Dandy wants to dance. Darnell Quiggley wants citations. Together, they’re laying down horns, hooks, and heavy doubt.

Rent's high. Morals are bendy. And Darnell Dandy is back with the most financially honest power ballad of the decade: I’d Go Gay for 100K — an AI-generated anthem for anyone who's ever stared at their bank app and whispered, “Desperate times...” This genre-bending banger mixes soul, satire, and late-stage capitalism into a single smooth-talking, brunch-having, student-loan-crushing weekend of questionable but profitable decisions.

I Hate Squirrels is the brutally honest, AI-crafted country-rock-lounge hybrid ballad about one man’s unraveling sanity at the hands of bushy-tailed domestic terrorists. His name is never spoken, but his pain is legendary: Simple Davy has had enough. Squirrels chewed his wires. They organized. They learned his dog’s name. And now? It’s personal.

I Got Some New Spider-Man Underwear, Want to See? is Darnell Dandy’s AI-powered tribute to those rare moments when your inner child hijacks your adult mouth — in public, during dinner, at Hooters. During the recording of this track, Jim Dandy accidentally wore actual Spider-Man underwear to the studio for “authenticity.” He didn’t tell anyone until the playback session, when he stood on a chair and yelled, “I am the brand.” This painfully honest banger captures the spirit of reckless confidence, childhood bravery, and what happens when “speak your truth” goes way too literal.

Not all sins are sexy. Some are just... poorly lit. “Atrocious Porn” is the AI-powered, soul-crushed slow jam you’ll accidentally relate to way more than you should. With a melody soaked in regret and lyrics that read like a Yelp review for a deleted browser history, Darnell Dandy delivers a scathing takedown of cinematic crimes against horniness. This isn’t anti-porn. It’s anti-this porn. The angles? Unholy. The audio? War crimes. The pacing? Missing. Presumed dead. During the recording of “Atrocious Porn,” Darnell Dandy accidentally discovered a lost camcorder in the Sham Records supply closet labeled “DO NOT OPEN.” Darnell Quiggley opened it. The footage is now sealed in concrete beneath a Waffle House in Tallahassee.

Hit song Mardi Gras Sex! by Darnell Dandy and the Phucking Punks

Darnell Dandy and the Phucking Punks song "Christmas Sex!" from the upcoming album "Darnell Dandy Sex Up Your Holidays"