Uncle Joe Receives Scatomancy Curse by Pigeon Guano Hit

Biden Gets Brewster McCloud Bird Poop Treatment: Prophetic?

In the zany Robert Altman film, Brewster McCloud, about a young man building a winged’ flying machine, bird poop predicts a character’s demise. In the Bible, the Prophet Ezekiel was commanded as a curse from God: King James Bible “And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man…” Ezekiel 4:12. Joe Biden needs to start studying the meaning of being shat upon, since doing that to others is his favorite hobby.

In ancient Egypt, divination was done by examining the feces of animals, called Scatomancy: “Scatomancy (alternatively known as Spatalomancy, Spatilomancy, Cropomancy, and Spatalamancy) is a divination by studying the the size, arrangement, color and interaction of excrement.”

In ancient times, scatomancers were influential members of their community called upon to assist in medical diagnosis and trial by ordeal. In kleptoparasitic, one of scatomancy's forms that was popular in ancient Egypt, dung beetles were employed. These amazing insects were actually held sacred and immortalized by the Egyptians. They shape, roll and weave dung balls as a sexual display and courtship attractor. The beetle’s speed and behavior, as well as the appearance of the dung balls, were all taken into consideration for the prognostications.

Medieval European experts also practiced such coprological divinations:

Gualtherus Bruele’s Praxis Medicinae (1639) provides instructions on diagnosing various diseases, often using feces as a tool: “those fluxes are worst, when the excrements doe resemble the colour of a Leeke, and when they be blackish, and doe stink very much,” and “if black excrements be voyded, the body being leane, if parcels of fat and flesh and pieces of the guts be voyded, as also if the patient be weake, the flux is mortall, because the flesh cannot grow together, nor the ulcer be made hard”.

But on April 12th, while Biden was giving a speech blaming Putin for inflation, etc., a heavenly messenger, aka a pigeon, delivered a shot of guano to his lapel. The Mainstream Media, no doubt well-versed in Scatomancy, double-clutched and gulped, then attributed the untimely white squirt as “distiller’s grain.” Huh? Uncle Joe shuddered, as even in his demented state, realized being pooped on -- as he’s done repeatedly to Americans across the continent -- is a bad omen.

In fact, the entire Democrat Establishment would be well-advised to sit down for a Scatomancy and Coprological reading. Then again, this may be a waste of time since their goose is already cooked with Joe Biden’s spectacular failure of a presidency. But best of luck to Joe Biden and his official dry cleaner as they try to remove the most obvious symbol of Joe’s failure since the Afghanistan debacle.