Hilarious Style of the British Parliament

The speaker of the House of Commons, John Bercow, retired Thursday, leaving his chair after a decade of braying, “Orderrrr!” By the BBC’s count, Bercow ordered “order” nearly 14,000 times. In London parks, children today run around shouting at their obstreperous nursery mates, who’ve maybe had a juice box too many and are monopolizing the swing set, “Orrrder!” Labour lawmaker Valerie Vaz said goodbye to Bercow by paying tribute to his bladder’s ability to sustain hours of debate and noting that “ ‘order, order,’ is now used by parents around the country” as a disciplinary technique.

But now the speaker’s orotund oratory, his mannered put-downs, his pompous, practiced, often hilarious jawing will be no more.

Gone, gone will be Bercow’s copyrightable admonitions to the nattering lawmakers to desist from their “chuntering from a sedentary position.”

No more will we hear Bercow’s advice that the right honorable gentle person from wherever “take a soothing medicament” and calm down.

Among Bercow’s classics: “It’s always a pleasure to oblige the honorable gentleman, because his naughtiness is mitigated by his charm.”

And chastising a run-on lawmaker for “her global tour, and potentially her intergalactic tour, in pursuit of evidence that she wishes to adduce on the matter of the appropriate age at which people should vote.”

Bercow reintroduced to popular British lexicon the word “beetled,” meaning to make one’s way hurriedly, as in: Say it, sort it and move on.

And no one could roll out the multiple syllables of “mellifluous” as Bercow could.

“I think the words chunter, medicament, dilate, animadvert, and, perhaps my favorite, saucerations, have been popularized under your speakership and I imagine now are in common parlance in pubs and clubs across England,” Tory grandee and Leader of the House Jacob Rees-Mogg said at Bercow’s final session.
Boris Johnson salutes Bercow's tenure as speaker of the House of Commons
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson paid tribute to John Bercow and his service on Oct. 30 as the Speaker of the House steps down after a decade. (Reuters)

In the centuries-long history of Commons speakers, Bercow was a standout, and not just for his speaking style or his florid ties — which one wag at a Westminster pub compared to a pasta sauce gone wrong. Bercow was a champion of the rights of Parliament and of backbenchers getting to have their say.

Johnson, the prime minister, in his farewell this week, said Bercow had “done more than anyone since Stephen Hawking to stretch time in this particular session,” a backhanded compliment to how the speaker changed the pace of debate in the House of Commons. The prime minister said, “You have sat up there in your high chair, not just as an umpire, ruthlessly adjudicating on the finer points of parliamentary procedure, with your trademark Tony Montana scowl. Not just as a commentator offering your own opinions on the rallies you are watching, sometimes acerbic and sometimes kindly, but above all as a player in your own right.”

Many Tories loathe Bercow because they view him as having turned on his own Conservative Party as speaker and manipulated Brexit debate in favor of those who wanted Britain to remain in the European Union.

After he allowed a vote on a controversial amendment, the Brexit-backing tabloids let it be known how they felt. The Sun went with: “Speaker of the Devil.” The Express said, “You’re so out of order!” The Daily Mail called him an “egotistical preening popinjay.”

With a nod to Bercow’s alleged vanity, opposition Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn began on Wednesday, “I hope you will indulge me for one moment while I say a word about you — I’m sure you will.”

“You’ve done so much to reform this House of Commons, and our democracy is the stronger for the way that you’ve done it,” Corbyn said.

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