#44 (@Tom Bilyeu ) - Impact Theory, Healthy Relationships, Unlocking Your Potential

Chatting with Candice
Tom Bilyeu (@Tom Bilyeu )
Episode Run Time: 01:19:36

Tom Bilyeu co-founded Quest Nutrition, the #1 protein bar brand in America. After leaving Quest in 2016, he started his own media company and podcast called Impact Theory. With his new venture, Tom seeks to incite lasting global change through the incubation of mission based businesses and the creation of empowering content.
In this episode, I talk to Tom about his experiences at Quest and Impact Theory, the best practices for a healthy relationship, and the importance of a growth mindset to unlock one’s true potential.

00:00:00 00:01:34 Introducing Tom Bilyeu[00:05:08] Tom’s decision to marry his wife despite her health[00:12:07] Never weaponize your partner’s insecurity[00:17:29] Self-awareness and honesty in communication [00:23:45] How Tom deals with betrayal and forgiveness[00:30:10] Money does not change your self-worth[00:36:51] Why “loving yourself” is not enough[00:40:58] You can improve any skill with practice[00:47:26] Influence of Impact Theory University on kids VS adults[00:50:33] Impact Theory’s future content: virtual reality & metaverses[00:56:47] Upgrading humans through augmentation [01:01:37] Death, after-life, and immortality[01:07:18] Creating an AI version of yourself[01:12:40] Children’s access to technology and the internet

Tom shares that he put a lot of thought about whether he would propose to his wife Lisa who had chronic health issues. Even if it meant a life of caretaking, Tom believed it was a small price to pay to be able to spend his life with his soulmate. They co-founded Quest Nutrition with their friends and have been married for 20 years. Their time together has taught them how to communicate and handle arguments.
In a relationship, both parties reveal personal struggles and vulnerabilities. When an insecurity is made known, you should never use that as a weapon against your partner. Your relationship should be a safe space where you can both freely share your fears and faults. Trust is broken when you hold those insecurities against him/her, especially because it was shared in confidence.
Arguments arise when insecurities are triggered. People get angry and upset because they have been made to feel less than. Knowing why you feel a certain way is the first step to solving the problem. Equally important is having the ability to communicate so you can talk about what’s really happening.
Another tip from Tom: never bring up past fights or transgressions. Constantly dredging up your partner’s past crimes is damaging for the relationship. With every conversation, ask yourself, “What is my goal?” If your goal is to have a loving connection with your partner but then you act coldly towards him/her then it doesn’t make sense. Your goal or your behavior needs to change. Be honest about what you want to achieve⎯even if it seems petty or childish. With transparency, then you can both move forward. Self-awareness, communication, and openness are the key ingredients to overcome disagreements.
On the topic of money and success, Tom believes that people truly want fulfillment, not fame or riches. Admittedly, there was a time wherein Tom himself chased after money. But once he finally amassed wealth, he realized that it didn’t change his self-worth. The goal of life is to not to become rich, but to respect and like who you are when no one’s watching.
Tom defines fulfillment as “working really hard to garner a set of specific skills that matter to you, that allow you to serve yourself and other people.” Even if you’re failing, you feel fulfilled because you’re growing. The question to ask yourself is, “What would I do and love even if I’m failing?” By answering this question, you’re on the right track to finding your life’s meaning and purpose.
With enough practice, you are guaranteed to make an improvement in any skill. Small increments do add up in ways that can have drastic effects on your life. It’s normal to have doubts or criticisms about yourself. Instead of entertaining these negative thoughts, you need to re-focus on your goal. Evaluate whether or not these reservations will serve you in any way. The doubts that you have may be founded on some evidence, but will it helpful to keep on repeating them? Only engage in thought and behaviors that will propel you towards the future you envision for yourself.

Links and Resources
Tom’s Twitter https://twitter.com/TomBilyeu
Tom’s Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tombilyeu
Tom’s Podcast https://impacttheory.com/episodes/
Impact Theory https://www.impacttheory.com
Impact Theory University https://university.impacttheory.com/?sl=mwtn&utm_source=home_page&utm_medium=mwtn&utm_campaign=impacttheorycom