20 Best Funny Short DAD JOKES #38

#dadjokes #jokes #joke

1. When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo…
I had to put my foot down.
2. Why can’t you send a duck to space?
Because the bill would be astronomical.
3. I've lost a lot of weight just by wearing bread on my head. It's a new loaf hat diet I'm trying.
4. I had a date last night, it was perfect.
Tomorrow I’ll try a grape.
5. I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked if it was to scale
"No," I said. "It's to look at."
6. I found out I'm allergic to snakes
So now I have to take an anti-hiss-tamine.
7. If you fart in church.
You will sit alone in your pew.
8. My wife bet me $1000 I couldn’t turn spaghetti into a car.
You should have see her face when I drove pasta.
9. When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey.
You know she's a keeper.
10. How was Rome split in two?
With a pair of Ceasars.
11. What do you call Batman when he's hurt?
Bruised Wayne.
12. My wife left me because of my gambling addiction.
But I know I can win her back.
13. What do you call LGBTQ people who are crazy?
People who can’t think straight.
14. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." *poof*.
He disappeared without a tres.
15. If Jesus was real they wouldn't call it the crucifixion
They would call it crucifact.
16. My wife kicked me out the house because of my bad Schwarzenegger impressions. But don’t worry...
I will return.
17. I bought my wife a fridge as an anniversary present.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
18. What kind of candy does a sidewalk eat?
Pave-mint.
19. I told my son Facebook is changing its name to Meta. He asked "what's a meta?"
I said "nothing, what's a meta with you?"
20. My ex wife still misses me.
But her aim is getting better!