20 Best Funny Short DAD JOKES #40

#dadjokes #shortjokes #funny

1. My niece calls me Ankle.
I call her my Knees.
2. Mr Bigger and Mrs Bigger have a baby. Who’s the biggest in the family?
The baby - because he’s a little Bigger.
3. Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother.
Sudden Lee.
4. The storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.
Oof.
5. What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
Short.
6. Did you hear the population in Ireland's capital is growing?
In fact it's Dublin.
7. My wife is trying to convince me she doesn’t poop.
I think she’s full of crap.
8. My whole life I thought Chewbacca was an Ewok.
Wookie mistake.
9. A guy tried to sell me a coffin.
I told him that’s the last thing I need.
10. In another 3028 years, there’s a chance that things will either be really good or really bad.
It’s 5050.
11. It was just confirmed that the man who fell off the 30th floor roof of a night club...
Was not a bouncer.
12. Did you know Mortal Kombat was actually based off an old Scandinavian folk song?
It was originally a Finnish Hymn.
13. My wife said I should start doing lunges to get healthier.
That would be a big step forward.
14. Why do ducks make horrible public speakers?
They use fowl language.
15. My psychologist says I'm addicted to puns about textiles and needlework.
Or sew it would seam.
16. A knight went to war only to have his feet cut off.
He was defeeted.
17. I call my horse Mayo.
And sometimes Mayo neighs.
18. The Pope stopped answering my emails, he never texts me back, and never answers the phone when I call.
I was holy ghosted.
19. William Shatner has discontinued his ladies underwear line...
In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.
20. What do you call an elephant no one cares about?
Irrelephant.