itn17hhh3b?? (read the description)

(while I make breakfast, front and back TVs LOUD playing episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air about girls vs boys competition (left to myself I would think "it's loud, but it's just a silly TV show; but have to HURRY AND HIDE because it WILL CAUSE A SCREAMING MATCH, and asking to change the channel will get me "get ready for the real world 'cos life ain't for wimps, (you have to learn to argue yourself)"(though the match usually lasts the ENTIRE rest of the day AND night, so I admit this could have been worse)
(after PT I "crash" but get no sleep, (use earplugs to "keep what sanity I assume I have", J yelling at M from 2:30 to 5:30 about how school and all society is set up specificall so EXCLUSIVELY "The Boy(s)" can't succeed/are "damned if (they) do, damned if (they) don't" (I try to soak my feet so they don't hurt/swell as much, part of why I couldn't record the "conversation"; I try to watch VeggieTales 'Madame Blueberry' on phone to make self grateful things aren't worse (yet) but end up crying over (the yelling just not stopping) while watching- (irony) does this mean I'm hopeless?)
(briefly 'taking a breath' - M wants to know a song from a commercial, I don't get there in time, my phone doesn't pick up p songs like it should anyway, M says I should ask J but I'm honestly afraid to and can't even say that)
(at 5:40 the yelling has started up again - why does this bother me? every time I think about it it just seems like a "first world problem" AT MOST but that doesn't make me ok...)
(meanwhile D is 'conveniently' out of earshot, either asleep (in the back where J's heating pad is) or outside working on the van's windshield wipers (if the latter, I really need to be watching how, but it would be tempting not to come back in (grateful yelling not loud enough to hear from outside, but that also makes it not bad enough to be real) and more so if M sees me going outside she'll think I'm running away and not let me back in - I probably need to be sitting in there listening but evidently there's only so much I can take at a time) D just came out of back room and things SEEM quieter now but I don't trust it - either things will start back up just before I'm ready to "rejoin the living" or just after to make me regret it (I know it's selfish) (Wheel of Fortune is on (6:30pm) which is an argument-starter in itself ("a White girl's game" according to J))
please just pray I SOMEHOW get actual sleep tonight 🙏🏾 enough to rest/restore some mental health