HELP (read the description)

D wants to go to Georgia for the 4th of July (I want "neither to go w/D NOR stay w/M & J ANYWHERE" - have already gotten D used to me going places with him - I thought I would have until October to "get my adult self together" and move out BEFORE Georgia got brought up again (too many things that should have been "last straws" but I had no resources then either and STILL DON'T) I DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER - now time has run out and I don't even know what I should have asked in order to GET READY, not that I could have asked anything without getting yelled at that
1 I need to "get strong" and stop being so (disappointingly/shamefully) sensitive if I ever want to make it anywhere (true) (threats from J about if he ever "gets strong" even though he's sick and we pray for him to get better everyday (making me think him getting better would NOT BE A GOOD THING but I pray anyway because it's the right thing to do - either that or my very instincts are broken) are ignored/considered ok because of the pain he's in)
2 that "the road is open"/that I could go live on the streets at any time (just don't come back) and how dangerous that would be

(also right now M & D 'into it' about that M thinks that she, J, & I need our own guns and to know how to use them, M tells her to take a class (as opposed to teaching us himself) and says she asked in a way that was 'picking at him')

(helplessly stuck in a boiling pot like the proverbial frog...but with no legs...) I HAVE BEEN SENTENCED TO HELL

SOMEBODY PLEASE SAVE ME