Resolving Conflict

Have you noticed the world seems to be getting crazier and crazier and if you don't agree with the person you are talking to, it is so much more common these days for a conflict to arise?

People seem to be more angry than ever before.

This has been my experience but I have never been one to simply follow the crowd. I question everything!

So what can you do to resolve conflict effectively?

Here are some simple NLP techniques.

1. Dissociation From Conflict:

We call this the third perceptual position of NLP or an observer position.

This is a place of non-emotion. Once you can see yourself from a position above yourself and see yourself as if you are watching yourself having the discussion on TV, you are no longer attached to the emotions you are feeling.

If the emotions were the things driving you, you will see things from a different perspective and have a clearer point of view, gaining additional wisdom or learning.

2. Build Rapport, Pacing & Leading:

When someone is shouting or screaming at you, you must remain calm.

You can match the volume, speed and tonality of the voice of the other person, WITHOUT matching the emotions or anger that they are projecting at you.

Stay at the same volume, speed and tonality for a few minutes, then breathe and start slowing your voice down to a more gentle, calmer way of talking.

By doing this you can lead the person into a calmer and more peaceful way of communicating with you.

3. Pattern Interrupt:

Most of the time during a conflict, it is best to stop the conversation spiraling downward, to do this you can use a pattern interrupt.

How do you do this? After making a calm statement: “It is important to me that we resolve our discussion, but I need a few minutes. I am going for a walk, and will be back to resolve this problem with you in 20 minutes/hours.”

This instantly calms down the situation and gives both parties time to think about what has been said, take some deep breaths and come back to the conversation in a calmer energy.

4. Step Into The Other Person's Shoes:

The saying “you don’t understand someone until you walk a mile in their shoes” is absolutely true.

This is similar to the first exercise I showed you.

Float your awareness into how the other person feels.

Imagine seeing yourself and the other person on TV again and float down into them and feel how they are feeling and try to understand how their point of view is different to yours.

Once you can do this it will make it easier to resolve conflict because you can understand where the other person is coming from and you may feel compassion for them rather than anger.

It gives a better understanding of what they want and need out of this situation.

Give these techniques a go and let me know how you go with them.

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