trikafta log 2020.02.18.0223

i didn't make a log yesterday morning. i woke up a little before 11, went out for lunch with family, had choir practice in the evening, went grocery shopping. i did an albuterol, pulmazyme, and tobi both earlier today after lunch and just now. i'm pretty hungry, but i know that eating too soon before bed makes it difficult to sleep. i've finished one half of the minecraft project i've been working on for a while, however, i know that the second half will take considerable longer to complete. for those of you who understand minecraft, it's easy to build a large empty room, it takes much longer to mine out a hole of equal size and a load more equipment. while working on this project i've had a dual track mind, though they aren't disparate thoughts. on the one hand, i would definitely benefit from gainful employment. on the other hand, i continue to wonder why i'm in such a position of being never employed, never trained, never in a romantic or intimate relationship, never learned to drive, though that's a problem i'll be looking to fix this month, never put into proper therapy or psychiatry sessions, and a list of things i'm not even aware of that i haven't done because i don't even know what it is. i don't know how to arrive at any answers, and what thoughts i do conjure up are mostly self defeating, if not self destructive in nature. i genuinely hope that one day, hopefully one day soon, i can learn what it is i'm supposed to be doing, something that i want to do, that can be viewed as being productive by others, something with some kind of positive return. i currently can't think of any such thing occurring in my foreseeable future. it isn't a good feeling.