trikafta log 2020.01.09.0333

once again it's 3 in the morning, though i've only been awake 13 hours. to alieviate this i'm going to have some meletonin before bed and make an effort in waking up before 12, so i'll set an alarm for 10. i've taken my evening blue trikaft pill a few hours earlier, my blood glucose is 307 so i've had four units of humalog, and i forgot to do my evening treatments, so i'll forgo those this evening. i've spent a majority of the day in a daze. it's difficult for me to focus on anything. i fill my time with video games and videos of other people playing video games. it's a comforting white noise to meditate to. or perhaps is distracts me from meditation. being in silence is worse, my thoughts rapidly outpace me. i'm not getting anything done, i' haven't been productive for a while now. in asking myself why this is, i can only conclude that i have nothing to aim at, though this is a tautology, as i'm asking myself why i have nothing to aim at.