My Valentine’s Day Message To Lonely Hearts

Hi Guys,

Yes, you. So you're alone, no lady in your life. Been looking for love these past N years but never found it. Boo hoo. Guess what guys, it isn't you, it's them.

You recognise this man? He was handsome, intelligent, charismatic. Everything you're not. In case you don't recognise him, his name was Ted Bundy, and he was executed January 25, 1989. He was convicted of three murders, but was known to have committed many more. Like I said, he was everything you are not. What sort of woman would marry a man like Bundy? Carole Ann Boone did; would you believe in the courtroom during the penalty phase of his trial for the murder of a 12 year old girl? Bundy had already been convicted and sentenced to death for the two sorority house student murders.

You think she was unique? Richard Ramirez was another serial killer who had his female admirers. One of them married him while he was on death row, and after they parted company, he became engaged to a woman less than half his age. As I write these words, alleged Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev has his fan club. Unlike you, he is stunningly attractive. Heck, if you were queer, you'd probably fuck him yourself. Or maybe even your village gay wouldn't be that depraved; this is a particularly female sickness.

Like I said guys, it isn't you, it's them, so when they all pass you by, don't lose any sleep. If they don't want you, you don't need them. There may also be something else. Some of us were put on this Earth for a reason. If you are one of them, one of us, then your mission is something of a far higher order than delighting in the sins of the flesh. You may never be famous, or notorious. You will certainly never be rich, much less loved. And happiness? Forget it! Stop chasing something you will never have because you were never meant to have it, and find out what you were put here to do.

Happy Valentine's.