From Jesus to Atheist to Shopaholic #spirituality

Yesterday we discussed why I want to teach and my early childhood.

We brushed over the fact that I was raised with severe “discipline” not abuse but “discipline.”

Whatever its title was it resulted in PTSD. I didn’t learn this fact until years later that my panic disorder and trouble focusing was symptoms of PTSD.

If you think about it makes sense that those who had a traumatic childhood would have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

We glazed through childhood yesterday where I mentioned being magical and hungering for magic. What I didn’t mention is that even as a child I did go back and forth with atheism myself.

Because even when I managed to believe in God I still couldn’t wrap my head around heaven or hell. They didn’t make sense to me at all. Neither did the soul. I only understood the body, something beyond that didn’t fit.

So I would lay awake most nights crying myself to sleep imagining the black hole of nothingness I was going to when I died.

To make matters worse, starting in grade three thanks to a news broadcast (my parents were obsessed with the news) I began to think I had breast cancer and would die. I held onto that constant fear of breast cancer death until grade 9. There I finally decided if I was going to die I would have died by now. I’m going to live, or at least live like I’m going to live.

#spiritmom #spirituality #youtube

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