FTX sex tape leak? What does this have to do with Harry Potter?

A supposed anonymous source from within FTX claims to be in possession of a sex tape allegedly involving the polycule of recently notorious individuals Sam Bankman-Fried and Caroline Ellison of Alameda Research, two big players within the ongoing cryptocurrency scandal and crash. Wee.

This information was posted on a website that claims to be uncensorable by anyone and stated they will post the sex tape on November 18th, unedited and uncut, if the two aren't properly held responsible. It's worth noting here that this also contradicts the previous belief that different communities and people already had copies of the supposed sex tape.

Should this tape surface on the web, should J.K. Rowling bring Harry Potter out of retirement? These two thief's would make a perfect bad-guy duo and don't need that much makeup to fit into the set anyway. Seems like a no-brainer to me!