Remy: Regulate (FTX Parody)

In the wake of the FTX meltdown and crypto price drops, Congress wants to make sure Remy makes good financial decisions…just like them.

Parody of Warren G's "Regulate" written and performed by Remy; video produced by Meredith and Austin Bragg. https://reason.com/video/2022/12/09/remy-regulate-ftx-parody/

LYRICS:

It was a clear black night, he was sitting at home
Looking at a JPEG on his trusty iPhone
It was a rare NFT of a hipster mouse
So he did what you do, he mortgaged his house

And he put in a bid, he was getting the itch
He couldn't sit there while he saw those other people get rich
But then the market crashed! The value deflated!
This shouldn't be allowed—they should regulate it!

He saw a JPEG, it looked in demand
So he mortgaged his house, spent 400 grand
We need to pass new laws to prevent this fate
He wouldn't be so dumb if we regulate

It was a cool, crisp day, he was watching the game
That's when he saw a commercial with folks of acclaim
Crypto returns that'll never default!
So he thought what you think—that sounds too good to be false!

Mortgaged his house, researched the rate
Checked out the CEO, nothing seemed out of place
But when he checked one morning, the value was gone
We should make fraud illegal, this is all just wrong!

He did his research and he studied up
Then bought invisible tokens this guy just made up
It was a harsh consequence for an honest mistake
His IQ wouldn't be five if we regulate

It was a lukewarm noon, he's on Capitol Hill
Cuz he got margin called and was facing a bill
You don't understand, I've lost all that I had
You need to pass more laws! This is terribly bad!

Uh, excuse me—thanks for letting me join
But isn't part of the issue him? There's a new dog coin?
Maybe the underlying tech is one we shouldn't forestall
Maybe one day it's—Shiba Inu, it's called

If he hadn't been allowed to be a HODLer
He wouldn't have the impulse control of a toddler
We could end human nature with a pen stroke today
Why do I have a feeling that they're gonna regulate?

You shouldn't prey on folks with financial illiteracy
By the way, have you seen the state lottery?
The Powerball's $1 billion, you better not wait
He's gonna make good decisions when we regulate