Dog vs cat diary

Excerpts from a dog's diary:

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - Ooooooo. Bath. Bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Excerpts from a cat's diary:

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that
keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving
around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded,
must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must
try this on their bed.

DAY 763 - I have found a way to torment my captors. Whenever
they pet me, I move, lie down and act cute. They will persist
in following and petting me again. This game is fun.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless
body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of,
and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only
cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...
Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For
no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This
time however it included a burning foamy chemical called
"shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid.
My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck
between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their
accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement
throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell the foul odor of what they call "pizza". More
importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to
MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how
to use it to my advantage.

DAY 773 - Today I caught and ate a fly. My captors found
it quite disgusting and left me alone longer than normal.
Will remember this when I need "me" time.

DAY 778 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies
and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and
seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant,
and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports
my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal
room his safety is assured.

But I can wait; it is only a matter of time...