When Feelings Are the Main Thing

The word feel is so commonplace that few folks consider how it's taken over the entire body and soul. We have normalized feelings to the point that it supplants our thoughts rather than our feelings reacting to our thoughts. For example,

1. What do you feel like eating tonight, honey?
2. How do you feel about that?
3. How does that make you feel?
4. What are you feeling right now?
5. How do you feel about what he said to you?
6. I get around to it when I feel like it.

There is a place to talk about your feelings, but only in a limited way, e.g., "I feel sick." Connecting feelings to our organic selves is not inappropriate as long as our diagnosis goes deeper than what it feels like, e.g., "You feel sick, so what are your thoughts about that?"

I'm not suggesting doing away with the word feeling altogether, but I suggest we reduce its usage rate by about 90%. Suppose we leave all statements and questions on the surface of our feelings. In that case, we'll miss the transformative opportunities between each other while potentially perpetuating a victim mindset: "I'm a victim to my feelings rather than an active agent who can think differently about what is happening to me."

The critical takeaway is that when a person uses the words "feel or feeling," we must pause and ask ourselves a few insightful questions.

1. Is that the most accurate way to describe what's happening?
2. If it's not, what potential harm will it cause to be feeling-centered?
3. Do I have the relationship equity to say something to this person?
4. Do I talk this way? And if so, how can I change so I'm thinking more about my thoughts than my feelings?

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