Stand Up, err Stand Over Comedy 'Bulletproof and Unvaccinated' S01:E01 [Victoria 54 ]

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"G'day Punters! And welcome to first night of a hundred as a Stand Up, err Stand Over politician gangster comedian. I'm here to talk about the gangster scene in Victoria, and let me tell you, it's like a real-life episode of The Sopranos down here.

You've got your "wise guys" and your "made men" running around, shaking people down for protection money. But let's be real, who needs protection when you're living in a state where everything can kill you? You got sharks in the ocean, snakes in the bushes, drop bears in the trees and politicians in Parliament. Ain't no gangster gonna protect you from that!

But seriously, have you ever tried to negotiate with these guys? It's like talking to a bunch of kids on a sugar rush. They just wanna play with their toys and get their way, and if you don't give it to them, they'll chuck a tantrum and break your kneecaps.

And don't even get me started on the politicians. These guys make the Godfather look like a saint. They're always making deals and greasing palms, trying to get ahead and keep their Seats. But you know what they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. And if you can't join 'em, run for office and beat 'em at their own game.

But let's face it, politics in Victoria is a big fat joke. You've got a bunch of arseholes in suits trying to convince you that they care about your issues, but all they really care about is getting re-elected. It's like a never-ending episode of Survivor, and they're all just trying to avoid getting voted off Democracy island.

So what's the solution, you ask? Well, I don't know about you, but I think we need a little bit more humor in our politics. I mean, why can't we have a Premier who tells jokes instead of just being one? Imagine Question Time being a stand-up comedy routine instead of a shouting match. Mate, I guarantee you, we'd all be a lot happier.

Anyway. I've run out of time. So in conclusion punters, if you wanna be a gangster in Victoria, go ahead and try. But if you wanna be a politician, just remember to bring your sense of humor, because you're gonna need it."

Have a goodnight punter. God bless Australia and the dickheads trying to destroy us.

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