synchronicity the right and wrong way, personal faith and reason

another claim by my otherwise prophetic friends is that my ex gf committed suicide or died in a car crash, if god is steering my truly, then it's entirely possible that euthanasia is just my ability to see her earlier than if I lived a long life
and considering god has seen fit to make sure I'm a failure in this life more or less, I don't think he wants me to be conventionally attractive to women, so 4 events are possible, she's alive and happy with someone else or she's in the afterlife and happy with someone else and I'm just being tortured by god, she's coming back to me in this life, or she wanted to be with me but couldn't figure how to make life work and died
since I don't believe god would torture me for my sins this badly and on top of it not give me what I really want, I'm willing to rule out the idea that she's happy with someone else in the afterlife, also on top of it one friend did say she'd be with someone else in this life but she would be mine in the afterlife
so it may be that euthanasia is for my own soul's sake to go to heaven early and wait for her while being a failure in this life for a year longer and that one of them also said this life is my purgatory, and that in heaven I'll be able to wait for her knowing god's presence directly and enjoying myself waiting for her to die