No Reservations at the Reservoir...a musical tale of spam and dehydration

A musical tale of spam and dehydration in the desert near PCT mile 465.

At the end of a long day somewhere north of Agua D
He was so hot and dehydrated he could not even pee
12 miles dry in front of him…10 from the last spring that he passed
But at this next road crossing is a big old water cache

He looked up the hill and down the vale on both sides of the road
No signs of life but some blood and puke and a couple horny horny toads
But it’s listed here in guthooks so somewhere its gots to be
He never found it, why’d they hide it, underneath the only tree ( boy that sucked)

Now its Water water NOwhere and not a drop to drink
Will the Condors chew my carcass or be put off by the stink?
Now its Water water NOwhere and now is all hope gone?
Will the Condors chew my carcass, just keep calm and carrion (it’s a homonym)

Now he’s out of time and water and it gave him quite a fright
Then he spotted something in the distance through the dusty fading light
He thought he’s seeing a mirage as the heat rose off the tar
but 3 miles west on this scorching road was the Bouquet Reservoir

Water that is Wet gold Swimming pool Open bar

It’s getting dark, he’s spots a bright orb low on the horizon
It must lead to his hydration so his confidence was risin’
He soon could smell the water, but then his mood did sour
that light was not the setting sun but the Searchlight from the guard tower

you see the reservoir was locked up tight, they’d put up a tough defense
they had doorbell cameras, snipers, guard dogs and a chain link fence
the sign said ”danger land mines” “reservations required” “have a nice day”
hiker trash were just not welcome but he’d have to find a way

because its Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink
Will the Condors chew my carcass or be put off by the stink?
I ain’t got no reservation it was some thing I did not make
I ain’t got no reservations I’ll do anything it takes

he decoyed the guard dogs with some spam, ….a single serving
wasn’t going to eat it anyhow and the dogs looked more deserving
Then he dodged all of the land mines using a USGS Quad
got to get beyond this fence somehow and drink on the other side

But it’s still Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink
Will the Condors chew my carcass or be put off by the stink?
I ain’t got no reservation it was some thing I did not make
I ain’t got no reservations I’ll do anything it takes

he tunneled under with his deuce of spades but that effort did not last
he was making too much noise and could not hear his podcast
he climbed up top but there was something there to keep out human beings
He got over the razor wire but it ripped out one of his spleens ( think of the weight savings!)

Now it’s Water water everywhere and I’ve satisfied my thirst
The trail provided this time today could have been much worst
Now this story may be true, I say this without reservation
more details come in seven years after the statute of limitations

Ain’t no Condors chew my carcass, they’re afraid that they might drown
Ain’t no Condors chew my carcass, guess they’ll head to Hikertown