Squashing Gossip

The description to this unedited August 17th, 2022 Insight Timer live event and subsequent notes:

Pretty much all considering joining this already know they’d like to gossip less so let’s dig into some teachings to really drive home the importance of quashing our gossip as we interactively share questions, feedback, contemplate, reflect and explore solutions

Notes:
Recently uncovered levels of shame so forgive me if any of this where notes written beforehand comes off as shaming

I’m obviously not beyond gossip yet but am more interested in events and ideas so I’m kind of like an alien overhearing gossip at cafes then observing, contemplating, getting insights and “downloads”. Glad for this though and not everybody tethered to devices.

I’ve been out of traditional workplace for awhile which is a different more dangerous dynamic

Not to take to other extreme of avoiding discussing uncomfortable occurrences or keeping secrets only to perpetuate harm

relationships built on gossip

enlivens life

compassionate potential in weird way

comparison / ego involvement

how much is reflective or indicative of the degree to which one values and validates one’s own life and behavior?

Seems so juicy, important, irresistible, but what is the intent and reasons for involvement, even if just talking about someone?

How much are we trying to control other people — via judgements and advice — and not wanting it to happen to us or avoid that we may still do the same thing?

Can and how much of (unusual/foreign-like) drama of others points out what’s missing or not understood about one’s own relationships? How much do we learn from what others are going through and how can we do so better without getting addicted to and fueling unhelpful drama?

What do we find idle chatter and boring? What do we find juicy? How much of our assessment is person specific?

How can societal importance on an event affect how related, or involved people are gossiped about i.e., extra chatter from a “news item”?

Recall a gossip session. Recall for a few moments what was:
emotionally triggering
emotionally amplifying
a release, a relief
gratifying and a reinforcement to repeat this and/or other gossip

Ways to master gossip:

feel what’s happening in and to body

after identifying some of the unskillful, unwise, unwholesome, unhelpful aspects (we’ve explored) consider the choice to stop feeding them

“Don’t respond to drama and drama won’t respond to you”

Notice where the value and worthiness is, where it’s coming from or where and how value and worthiness is missing

How can life be enlivened in the moment, especially with (former) gossip pals, without always relying on external stimulus?

How can we identify what gossip games and programs, old and new are running? How can we develop new healthy habits to replace them.

Old fashion: Males bond more around shared interests. How can males gossip less around shared interests? Female tend to bond more around relationships. How can females gossip less while still deeply engaging in relationships? Perhaps being more absorbed into the present helps both

Identify common, easy to notice landmarks and reference points to help recognize patterns and traps when gossiping that shout, “hey this is now happening again. I see it and now can choose differently.” Then what are some of those better choices?

“What we notice about others is what we’ve already addressed in ourselves”

Talk to people not about people

Original blog post: https://integratingpresence.com/2022/08/29/quashing-gossip-audio-and-notes-from-the-insight-timer-live-event/