Vlog - New computer (ASUS ROG STRIX X670E-F) has NO AUDIO INPUT (problem can't be solved)

Yes, I bought a new machine (first ever in fact), my previous one is stored in a cabinet should anything go wrong with the new machine I am now using.

However I encountered a few problems with this one: Audio input (microphone and line ports) doesn't work and after spending a few hours reading up on possible solutions, there is no possibility of fixing it.

The realtek audio chipset is listed as "USB AUDIO". What a way to name it. It's output only.

There is a dead usb port on the front case. I'll just tape over it, no sense fucking with it.
The mic/audio port on the front is not even that, it's just an incorrectly labeled headphone port.

All variants of the motherboard being sold have the exact same problem. Maybe I should have waited at least another three to five years. Oh well.