The People Meant to Protect Me Are the Ones I Fear the Most.

The only people I’m truly scared of are the ones meant to protect me.

I’m not afraid of criminals. Criminals operate in the shadows, and their actions follow a predictable logic of self-interest. But the police—those entrusted to uphold the law, protect our freedoms, and ensure our safety—have become the source of my deepest fear.

They have smashed their way into my home, not once but repeatedly. Without invitation, without warning, at any hour they choose: 3:30 a.m., 4 a.m., 7:30 a.m., or even 10:30 p.m. It’s as if time itself is irrelevant to their sense of power. With no explanation, (other than a particular individual has complained I've hurt their feelings), they barge in. Put me in handcuffs, and haul me off to a cell. I sit there, stripped of my dignity, left in the stark blinding dark about why this is happening, and what will happen next.

And then, when they leave, they leave nothing intact. My home is ransacked. They take what they want—computers, phones, tablets, my PlayStation 4, data chips, my internet router—everything that connects me to the world. My most prized possessions, gone.

On the eve of the national COVID-19 lockdown, when the country shut down and people relied on their connections more than ever, the police smashed into my home at 5 a.m. and took it all. It wasn’t just a violation of my space; it was a severing of my lifeline. My ability to communicate, work, or seek help—all gone in an instant.

The impact of that event has left me damaged and eternally scared of the police. I’m not the same person I was before. Every knock on the door sends a jolt of fear through me. Every siren in the distance brings back memories of those nights when my sanctuary was shattered.

This isn’t justice. This isn’t protection. This is a life lived in fear of the very people who are meant to keep me safe. I don’t fear the world outside; I fear those who have the authority to invade my life without accountability.

The criminals, at least, follow a code. But the police? They wield their power indiscriminately, and that’s what terrifies me most.