God is in control

Take this up to YHWH in prayer and seek the face of Jesus Christ.
More information about First fruits: https://www.graftedinthevine.net/prayer-chat

Steps to salvation

1. Admit that you are a sinner, for all humans have sinned and come short of the glory of God, and the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 3 verse 23, Romans 6 verse 23

2. Repent now, repent therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, for if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (Acts 3:19, 1 John 1:9).

3. Believe that God loves you and Jesus died for you. God commends his love towards us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans, 5 verse 8

4. Invite Jesus into your life through prayer of faith. Jesus says, Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any man hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him, and I will sup with him, and he with me. Revelation 3, verse 20

then maintain your relationship with Jesus; you are free; just sin no more.