McDonalds True Scary Stories

The fast food industry genetically splices the DNA of its chicken to create large Frankenstein birds, some without feet, and some without heads. In spite of this, Rebecca was still hungry.

Alicia was promoted. She got a fifty cent raise at an office supply store, which will remain nameless. (It was Staples.) She and her roommates Rebecca and Elizabeth, decided to celebrate with a twelve-pack. Then the girls went to McDonald's.

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Rebecca was on another diet, but alcohol will make you hungry. At the last minute, Becky decided to order salad in a plastic blister-pack, including pieces of chicken.

Rebecca removed her salad cover and saw a long, dark hair, writhing like a snake on top of her food. Becky got another salad for free.

According to Elizabeth, Rebecca has a problem with her body image. But never before had she found such a good way to lose weight. The string of hair had eliminated her hunger completely. She took the salad home and put it in the refrigerator.

Seven days later she still had not eaten. She wasn't hungry, and she wasn't stressed out. Becky had stumbled onto a great new form of self-control. She drank water but she didn't eat any food. Cruising the internet, she fortified herself with articles on the benefits of water fasting. But when she found herself at McDonalds again with Alicia, her hunger returned. This time they ordered fish sandwiches.

If she had not found a fish bone sticking out of her filet, Rebecca would have broken her fast. Her willpower came surging back. She gave silent thanks to the god of fast food. Another free meal would be stored in the fridge, where the original salad was now a science project.

After fasting for another fortnight, Rebecca was losing two pounds a day. It was so easy... all she had to do was adjust to feeling weak. Liz made no more comments on body image. Either she was worried about Becky or she was jealous. Either way, out to McDonald's she invited Becky.

Rebecca was secretly relieved. She had lost enough weight. They both ordered the nuggets, made from supposedly mutant chickens. She bit down on something abnormally firm, and removed the nugget to examine its contents.

Elizabeth said, “Oh my god, is that a toe?”

They both stared at the thing on the lunch tray. The outside looked like ground hamburger, and clearly sticking out of it was a toenail. Nobody could figure out where the toe came from, but the authorities determined it was human, and Becky determined to give McDonald's a break today, and every day for the forseeable future.

There was only one problem. The only thing for which she was hungry now was her favorite food, the Big Mac with secret sauce. In a mirror she could see her ribs, because her fat reserves had been reduced to zero. She could not bring herself to eat anything solid. Every time she went to McDonald's she would invariably find a hairball, or someone's press-on fingernail, protruding from her meal.

Becky knew she would die if she did not eat. Suddenly she had a strange new thought. In the afterlife there will be a feast. And I will eat apple pies and drink Shamrock shakes all day long, and remain as beautifully thin as I am right now.

Except that when she looked in a mirror she saw instead what looked like the survivor of a concentration camp. She began to cry. When Alicia and Liz asked her what was wrong she replied, "Please, just take me to Burger King."