As I divide

Originally published on YouTube on 8/8/2018

As I wake up
Drenched in cold sweat
Strapped to a bed
Looking up at a surgeon
Waiting for him to amputate
The body part he selects
The needle enters my vein
The anesthesia
Fuses with my blood
My eyes begin to close
While my mind drifts to the unknown

The labyrinth has
Become a countdown
Flowing like a downward spiral
Providing my prescription is love
My cure is known
It is something
The eyes fail to see
Something only the heart
Can perceive

I feel like another anomaly
Trying to reach and calculate infinity
In this finite existence
Drawing circles and ellipses
Finding time expanding and contracting
Calculating the angels
Adjacent to each other
Perfect what I believe
Is the answer to the riddles of life
Then I crash and burn
Shattering into a million pieces
Falling apart
Because of the disguise
I created

I awake in a drug-induced state
As the doctor cuts my chest
Wide-open
Amputating my cancerous heart
I kept resisting
Until death
Paralyzed and swallowed my eyes

Piece by piece
I’m trying to pull myself
Back together
I keep falling into
Another fallacy
Time after time
For the moment
I’m failing in the struggle
Of me against myself
But
I’m trying to break through
The force gravity uses to
Keep me down

I still look forward
To another day
Sometimes my hopes
Are help up high
And sometimes I’m trapped
In despair
I don’t know where
My world will go from here
I do hope
It is anywhere besides
The cell I caged my heart inside
This time

A new heart
Has been placed inside
Replacing what was old
To give birth
To something new
Having a scar from
A tragedy
Is better than
Submitting to death
This disease led
Me to believe
For even though
Some days
This disease tries
To consume me
From time to time
I just look up to the heavens
And I know
Where my heart lies
And where I am going
WHEN MY TIME CEASES
AND I DIVIDE