Apatros Review Ep-0147: The Knight of The Dragon [1985] ("Star Knight")

AR-0147: Since I turned 40 a mere handful of weeks before I uploaded this very video you're reading the video description to, it seemed fair I include something from my birth year, which thanks to the mechanics of my schedule, you're getting treated to right here [I already did my birthday episode before, so please look that one up when you can... 😎👍], here we're taking a look at one of those stuck-on-VHS Eurojank obscurities only serious Bad Movie Masochists tend to know about.

A decidedly strange tale about a love triangle between a Spanish princess, the clumsy and corrupt knight who wants to be her suitor [but she ain't into him], who speaks with a Brooklyn accent [probably since he is played by Harvey Keitel... Seriously man, what is he doing in THIS movie? This one's more of a head scratcher than the likes of "Saturn 3"] and her true love, an alien scientist played by some guy who looks like Sting from The Police and speaks in telepathic music banged out by a Casio keyboard... The local 😈-worshipping alchemist is playing matchmaker [& played by the Great Psycho of Cinema, Klaus Kinski].

When it comes to weirdness, this one's a motherf@(ker of an example. The story is clever [BTW Keitel's knight is named Klever], but the tone is as uneven as a plastered drunk trying to zombie-shuffle his way to the toilet while 💩 is already seeping halfway down his pants, [hey mate, here's some clean 👖 for you...], the cast are filled with oddballs, including the one bloke who you should run for the hills from [I'm talking about Kinski, and before you ask, yes he was rumbling with most of the crew on this one - bloke's a natural for Rumble] and the visual effects consist of passable-for-the-era-&-budget early-grade CGI and impressive model effects of the alien ship, which manage to be even more impressive if you watch them on VHS instead of anything higher-res, as the Very Hazy System gives it a special mystique that boosts its effectiveness.

Speaking of which, this film seems to be only available on VHS for the moment [for those W⚓s at the back saying this was a 1990s movie, that's only because it was released in the USA in the early 90s, so shut it], the easiest way to grab a copy being that rather infamous "Sci-Fi Invasion" 50-film-box-set from Mill Creek.

My Grade: D [Bad]

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