The Brady Bunch, But Everyone’s Armed

DISCLAIMER: Some details in this story may be slightly exaggerated for dramatic (and comedic) effect. But the gunpowder, the laughter, and the chaos? 100% real.

So here’s how it went down: what started as a peaceful family day turned into a full-blown, high-octane, brass-flying, red-blooded American RANGE-O-RAMA. If Norman Rockwell painted this scene, it would’ve included a Barrett .50 BMG, a Glock 19, and Uncle Antoine riding a four-wheeler with a DP-12 in each hand yelling “FREEDOM!”

Let’s break it down.

Coconut showed up with his trusty Colt M1911, acting like he invented the double tap.

Mom packed light—just a Glock 43X, a Sig P365, and the kind of patience only someone who’s raised three kids can have.

Uncle Scott (bless him) rolled up in camo Crocs with a duffle bag full of nonsense: Kel-Tec KSG, FN SCAR 17S, Kriss Vector, and a suspicious container labeled “don’t worry about it.”

Grandma? Sharpshooter since the Cold War. She casually bullseyed targets with a Springfield M1A and her vintage Remington 870, then told everyone to “tighten your groupings, kids.”

Aunt Charley might be sweet at Thanksgiving, but she goes full operator with her CZ Shadow 2 and Beretta 1301 Tactical. We just nod and reload her mags.

Aunt Megan thought she was ready for the Desert Eagle .50 AE. She wasn’t. She now walks in circles and speaks only in memes.

Aevah went full Lara Croft with dual Glock 17s, rolled her ankle doing a tactical roll, and still hit the steel. Iconic.

Little Finley got his hands on a .22 LR Ruger 10/22 and swears he’s now “the family sniper.” We let him have his fantasy.

Even the dog showed up with ear pro and a tactical vest, guarding the Mossberg 590 like he was on patrol in Call of Duty.

Here’s a non-exhaustive list of the other beauties that made guest appearances:
AK-47, AR-15, Tavor X95, MP5, Benelli M4, Steyr AUG, Walther PPK, Heckler & Koch VP9, Ruger Mini-14, FN Five-seveN, Glock 34, Desert Tech MDR, Remington 700, Mossberg MVP, Marlin 1895 SBL, Savage 110, and a tactical slingshot that Ray swears is “military grade.”

By mid-afternoon, someone may or may not have used Tannerite to blow up a watermelon.
By evening, we were arguing over who hit the gong at 300 yards first.
By nightfall, someone yelled “MERICA!” and a bald eagle probably exploded out of the sky in slow motion.

LESSON LEARNED: Families that shoot together, stay together — or at least have the most entertaining group text ever.

LIKE if you’ve ever had to tell your cousin to stop mag-dumping your ammo.
SUBSCRIBE for more loud, smokey, and slightly-questionable family bonding.
COMMENT your favorite firearm or wild range day memory — bonus points if Grandma’s involved.