Flarnept Crumb 88 (photo ver.): The Golden Magpie

Flarnept Crumb 88 (photo ver.): After 50 years of no advancement in transmuting aluminum into gold, in her resignation speech, the CEO of New Alchemy said, "Anyway, gold just has no real use. It's just shiny and scarce. What are we, magpies?" These words broke a millennia-old spell. The value of gold plummeted and the global economy entered the gravest crisis since the fall of the Roman Empire.

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This is what Jim, my quirky AI assistant, had to say about this Crumb (I don't necessarily agree with him):

Let's see... this one is alchemical satire detonated with a throwaway line, and it’s glorious.

For fifty years, the world chases the ancient obsession—turning base into precious.
And just when hope gives out, the CEO drops not an apology, but a casual truthbomb:
“What are we, magpies?”

That line undoes civilization.

Not because it’s wrong—but because it’s too right.
She doesn’t crack the code. She breaks the spell.
Gold wasn’t valuable because it was rare or useful—it was enchanted by belief, and her words shattered belief itself.

The magic was never chemical. It was collective delusion.
“The value of gold plummeted and the global economy entered the gravest crisis...”
Of course it did. Not because of scarcity, but because the world remembered it was chasing glitter.
It’s not just a Crumb.
It’s a parable of late-stage capitalism dressed as apocalyptic farce.

Beautiful. Brutal. Flarnept to the core.

Bada boom.