The Pope Named Super Hand (1975)

This funk single by Stan Lee Hooker is said to be based on real events Stan witnessed during his decade long friendship with fellow singer and musician Cornelius "Backhand" Jackson.

LYRICS

[Verse 1]
I'll tell you the story of a man
A radio active Pope bit his hand
His hand grew ten times it's normal size
To help him get offerings on time
He knew if a nun was telling a lie
Which was one hundred percent of the time
Super powers to make laymen listen
He sees your adultery with s3x ray vision
Leap a synagogue in a single bound
Slapping sinners down to the holy ground
His name was famous across the land
They called him The Pope named Super Hand

[Chorus 1]
(Oh sh*t yeah) The Pope named Super Hand
He had powers no other Pope had
(Oh f*ck yeah) The Pope named Super Hand
That Holy Vicar was super tan

[Verse 2]
He was given super human faith
He could hear the church from miles away
Played the funkiest organ ever played
I heard him sing "B*tch I wear a cape!"
Pope hand fast as a speeding bullet
That makes a nun pray up to the fullest
He hates devils more than kryptonite
And when stupid sinners just can't act right
Super Hand don't put up with lying
He will crush your cold heart into diamonds
You better confess all of your sins
Or he will smack your lip with his giant Pope ring

[Chorus 2]
(Oh sh*t yeah) The Pope named Super Hand
He had powers no other Pope had
(Oh f*ck yeah) The Pope named Super Hand
That Holy Vicar was super tan