XCOM 2 Part 1

Title: Tom Cruise & Joe Jukic in "Operation Gatecrasher" (XCOM 2 Debrief)

Setting: A dimly lit underground resistance base. A debriefing room buzzes with the hum of alien tech and human defiance. Tom Cruise sits across from Joe Jukic, both still in their XCOM armor, bruised but grinning.

TOM CRUISE:
You know, Joe, I’ve jumped out of planes, climbed the Burj Khalifa, even held my breath for six minutes underwater… but nothing—and I mean nothing—prepared me for that mission.

JOE JUKIC:
(laughs)
Yeah, man. Gatecrasher was no movie stunt. ADVENT troops were real trigger-happy. That sectoid almost mind-controlled you.

TOM:
Almost. You blasted that alien scumbag right in the brain stem before he could make me eat my own gun. Thanks for that.

JOE:
No worries. I figured if Earth loses its biggest action star on the first mission, morale’s gonna tank fast.

TOM:
(laughs) Fair point. I gotta say, though, when we breached that gate, I felt like Ethan Hunt again—but this time, with magnetic rifles and psychic panic.

JOE:
You looked like Rambo if he was in Top Gun. But hey, I saw you slide behind that half cover like a pro. Took out two troopers with one grenade. That was legit.

TOM:
Well, I did my own stunts. You—how the hell did you hack that turret?

JOE:
Canadian instinct. I just whispered, “Sorry, buddy,” and the machine gave up.

TOM:
(laughing) You serious?

JOE:
Nah. I’ve been messing with alien code since 'the incident' in Sarajevo. Plus, Lucky Diamond gave me a few tricks—Cambodian black hat voodoo.

TOM:
Remind me to never piss off your friends.

JOE:
Noted. But we did it. We blew the relay, crashed the gate, and got everyone out. Not bad for a couple of rookies.

TOM:
We’re not rookies anymore. Commander already promoted you to Grenadier, and I’m the squad’s new Ranger. Sword and shotgun—very Edge of Tomorrow.

JOE:
Just don’t try to duel a Muton with a machete. I don’t care how many Oscars you’ve been robbed of.

TOM:
Deal. You cover me with explosives, and I’ll keep being reckless. Sound good?

JOE:
Like an alien skull cracking under my boot. Let’s go win this war.

They fist bump. Somewhere above, the resistance radio crackles with intel: a supply raid. Operation Gatecrasher was just the beginning.

XCOM 2: Starring Tom Cruise & Joe Jukic.
Coming soon: Operation Silent Prophet.