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XCOM 2 - Part 17
XCOM 2: Operation Death Slap
Starring: Lt. Tom “Maverick” Cruise (Ranger), Sgt. Joe “Fridge” Jukic (Grenadier), Sgt. John “T-Bird” Travolta (Specialist), Squaddie Lisa Furtado (Specialist), and Squaddie Nelly “Xenu Eater” Furtado (Sharpshooter)
Objective: Hack ADVENT Network Vault
Location: Abandoned Broadcast Station, New Brazil Zone
Time: 04:41 Local
Mission Code Name: Death Slap
Difficulty: Commander
BRIEFING – Central Officer Bradford:
“Commander, we’ve identified a weak node in the ADVENT data network. A vault containing tactical logs and blacksite schedules is sitting exposed on a remote communications relay. We’ve inserted a squad with two rookies—Lisa and Nelly Furtado. First mission. Expect light resistance, but if that Viper rumor’s true... don’t get cocky.”
THE SQUAD:
Lt. Tom “Maverick” Cruise – Ranger
Blade Master, Phantom, Shadowstrike
Quote: “I feel the need… the need to bleed.”
Sgt. Joe “Fridge” Jukic – Grenadier
Shredder, Demolition
Quote: “If it moves, I flatten it.”
Sgt. John “T-Bird” Travolta – Specialist
Combat Protocol, Medical Protocol
Quote: “Let’s boogie and reboot some bad guys.”
Sq. Lisa Furtado – Specialist (First Mission)
Rookie trait: Overthinker, wears charm bracelet from home
Quote: “I didn’t sign up for snakes…”
Sq. Nelly “Xenu Eater” Furtado – Sharpshooter (First Mission)
Rookie trait: Steady hands, quiet rage, recovering ex-celebrity
Quote: “This is for all my haters.”
DROP ZONE – Silent Dawn:
The Skyranger lowers over a fog-drenched comm station deep in the jungle. ADVENT towers flicker with glitching red light. Static bleeds across the comms.
Joe (loading grenade): “This place smells like roasted clone meat.”
Tom (checking blade): “Stick to the plan. Hit hard, vanish fast.”
FIRST CONTACT:
ADVENT Troopers on patrol near the vault. Nelly sets up on high ground.
Nelly (scanning): “Three targets. Wind speed zero. Zero sympathy.”
CRACK!
Her first shot rips through a Trooper’s skull. Clean. Lisa’s GREMLIN zaps another with Combat Protocol, leaving it twitching.
Joe pops a frag into the third, scattering limbs across the console yard.
Tom (smirking): “Welcome to the war, ladies.”
HACKING THE VAULT:
Lisa slinks to the console. Her fingers tremble. She plugs in.
Lisa: “Okay... I see nodes. Defense grids... wait—what is this?”
OPTIONAL BONUS HACK: +20 Intel or Squad Dodge Boost
She gambles for Dodge Boost.
SUCCESS.
Central (on comms): “Good work, Lisa. Squad reflexes enhanced.”
Suddenly, movement in the fog. A Viper slithers into view. Behind it—a Stun Lancer charging full speed.
THE DEATH SLAP:
The Viper lashes its tongue—Nelly is pulled off the rooftop and crushed in its coils.
Lisa: “NELLY!”
Tom (snarling): “No. Not today.”
He activates Phantom, vanishes, then reappears behind the Viper—
SLASH!
His blade glows red as it severs the Viper in two. Acid hisses. Nelly coughs, alive but rattled.
Nelly (gasping): “I owe you a song…”
The Stun Lancer charges Lisa—but Travolta intercepts with a well-timed Combat Protocol. The jolt slows it.
Joe steps forward.
Joe: “Time for the fridge to slam shut.”
He unleashes a full auto burst—BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!
The Lancer is torn apart mid-lunge, its shock baton spinning away.
EXTRACTION:
Vault hacked. Squad intact. Nelly’s limping, but upright. Lisa helps her to the rope as the Skyranger lowers.
Tom (grinning): “Furtado sisters—baptized by fire.”
Travolta (as the hatch closes): “Next time, we bring music.”
MISSION COMPLETE:
OPERATION DEATH SLAP – SUCCESS
Vault Hacked
Bonus: Squad Dodge Boost (12 turns)
No Casualties
PROMOTIONS:
Lisa Furtado promoted to Corporal – Ability: Revival Protocol
Nelly “Xenu Eater” Furtado promoted to Corporal – Ability: Long Watch
COMMANDER’S LOG:
Commander:
"They faced the snake and the blade—and came out stronger. The Furtado sisters are ready for what's next. Prepare for Operation Mind Cage."
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