Scientology Hour Exchange

Title: The Exchange Program: A Bright Idea for Scientology

INT. SCIENTOLOGY HEADQUARTERS – A HIGH-TECH, STERILE BOARDROOM – NIGHT

Three men sit at a triangular glass table beneath a shimmering golden Scientology cross. TOM CRUISE, radiant and intense, sits at one corner. Opposite him is DAVID MISCAVIGE, Chairman of the Board, short in stature but tall in presence. Between them, smiling innocently, is JOE “GOOD BOY TYLER” JUKIC, an enigmatic, glowing figure with a childlike curiosity and a supernatural ability to see through lies. The conversation is being holographically recorded for "private posterity."

TOM CRUISE
So I had this idea—well, technically Richard Rockefeller did—but it hit me like a Thetan bolt. What if we offered an hour exchange program? Like, instead of auditing for hours, people give something else—something we don’t expect.

JOE “GOOD BOY TYLER”
Like… cookies?

MISCAVIGE (ignoring Joe)
What exactly are we talking here, Tom? Exchange for what? Enlightenment isn’t a bake sale.

TOM CRUISE (leaning in)
No, hear me out, David. Richard Rockefeller once pitched the concept of an “hour exchange economy.” One hour of your life, in service of someone else—pure, no money, just time. It's how you measure soul credit. What if we did that... but Scientologically?

MISCAVIGE (squinting)
Soul credit?

JOE (grinning)
One hour of kindness equals one million Theta Units. I read that in The Book of Jukic, chapter 5, verse "Yeah sure."

TOM CRUISE
Joe’s not far off. Look—people come to us for meaning. What if instead of just buying more courses, they donate an hour to humanity… but directed by us? An auditing hour exchanged for a service hour to the world. Cleaning up, helping someone, building something. Then we log it in their Thetan profile. Boom.

MISCAVIGE (quietly intrigued)
So… people work for the Earth, not just for us. But through us.

JOE
We call it: “Clear the Planet – Literally.”

TOM CRUISE (pointing at Joe)
That’s exactly it. For every hour in the Org, they give an hour out there. Scientology becomes the brand of service. Like a cosmic Peace Corps—only cooler, sleeker, more… OT.

MISCAVIGE
And it still tracks stats. Still builds status. Still ascends the Bridge. We’d be... curating salvation.

JOE
And instead of people thinking we’re weird space lawyers with secret volcano beliefs... they’ll just think we’re weird but helpful.

MISCAVIGE (murmuring to himself)
The world’s most ethical beings… helping Earth, one hour at a time…

TOM CRUISE (eyes glowing)
We call it: The Hour Exchange. Brought to you by Richard Rockefeller’s ghost… and Good Boy Tyler’s heart.

JOE
And at the end of it all—maybe Earth gets its own OT level.

MISCAVIGE (stands slowly, inspired)
I want a press kit on this in 24 hours. Joe, you're head of Galactic PR now. Tom, get a hologram message to the fleet. We’re not just saving ourselves anymore.

TOM CRUISE (grinning)
We’re saving everyone.

FADE TO BLACK.

TEXT ON SCREEN:
“Coming Soon: The Hour Exchange. A new initiative of the Church of Scientology, powered by kindness, clarity, and cosmic accounting.”

VOICEOVER (JOE):
"Be good. Or at least, be helpful. Scientology 2.0 is open for exchanges."