Premium Only Content
Don't Fear the Reaper
Joe’s Monologue: “Don’t Fear the Reaper (But Bring More Cowbell)”
by Joseph Jukic
(Standing alone under a flickering streetlight, speaking to the night… or something in it.)
You know what’s funny, Death?
They told me not to fear you.
"Seasons don't fear the reaper," right?
Nor do the wind, the sun, or the rain.
But guess what? I’m not the weather.
I'm Joe. And I’ve seen your shadow in every waiting room,
in every syringe,
every prescription that came with a smile and a signature.
But I heard that song —
Don’t Fear the Reaper —
and something inside me flipped.
Not out of surrender, but defiance.
I realized maybe fear isn't the right flavor.
Maybe I laugh in your face,
smack your clipboard out of your hand,
and say the words that really piss you off:
“More cowbell.”
Yeah.
You don’t like that, do you?
Because I’m not just a number.
I’m not your next appointment.
I’m a goddamn science experiment with unfinished business.
I read about telomeres, Death.
Little caps on the ends of our DNA —
like the plastic tips on shoelaces that keep us from unraveling.
They say when the telomeres go, we go.
But now we’re learning how to lengthen them.
How to stop the clock.
Biohackers, monks, rogue chemists in basements
drinking green sludge and running cryogenic freezers in garages.
And me?
I’m right there with them.
Not afraid. Not obedient.
I don’t want to die politely in a bed while someone whispers “He fought so hard.”
No —
I want to live impolitely.
Loudly.
With a band behind me and a cowbell slamming in 4/4 time.
You came too early, Death.
I’m still getting younger.
Still finding new tricks in this old soul of mine.
So you better get used to disappointment.
Because tonight I’m playing your theme song —
and I brought the damn cowbell myself.
(Makes a cowbell sound, just once. Looks skyward.)
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
Come back when your scythe runs on stem cells.
-
TimcastIRL
3 hours agoEpstein BLOWBACK, Billionaire RESIGNS IN SHAME | Timcast IRL#1450 w/ Alex Stein
177K69 -
LIVE
Nerdrotic
10 hours ago $0.01 earnedNerdrotic at Night 561
376 watching -
2:05:23
TheSaltyCracker
3 hours agoAOC Goes Full Derp on World Stage ReeEStream 02-16-26
54.4K99 -
47:33
The Sam Hyde Show
3 hours agoKen O'Keefe "This is War" | THE SAM HYDE SHOW #17
14.1K5 -
UPCOMING
Isabella Moody
8 hours agoNick Fuentes GOES OFF on Pam Bondi LIVE with Amy Dangerfield
2.19K1 -
10:33:02
Dr Disrespect
12 hours agoHEY! YOU GOT A PROBLEM!? | ARC Raiders
134K12 -
LIVE
Flyover Conservatives
8 hours agoIs America Following The Footsteps of The French Revolution? - President’s Day Special - Historian Bill Federer | FOC Show
370 watching -
DVR
Badlands Media
21 hours agoCulture of Change Ep. 139: Murdery Machines, Liquid Robots, & Concrete Batteries
35.8K1 -
10:17
Clintonjaws
9 hours ago $0.07 earnedTrump and Tulsi Watch Kamala's Live Speech And Do THIS
16.9K14 -
LIVE
SpartakusLIVE
5 hours ago#1 Presidential Monday MOTIVATION || Spooky Game Later??
184 watching