Kimmel: ‘There’s No Riot Outside, We Have More So-Called ‘Unrest’ Here When One of Our Teams Wins a Championship’

KIMMEL: “You see here, we have a — we have a full house, as we always do, here at our studio in Hollywood. Which might be surprising for those of you in other parts of the country who have been watching cable news and believe the city is some kind of totalitarian hellscape right now.
(Laughter)
It most certainly is not. In fact, let’s take a look at outside because I want you to see what it’s like in Hollywood right now.
(Laughter)
You won’t see this elsewhere on television. Not only is it not an apocalypse, they’re having a Disney/Pixar movie premiere for ‘Elio,’ a movie about aliens. Don’t tell Trump. He’ll send in the Green Berets, too.
(Laughter)
But I just want to say, thank God for President Trump and the heroes at ICE for protecting us from these bloodthirsty fruit stand vendors spreading their dangerous pineapple chunks and mangos with a squirt of lime all over the city.
(Laughter)
We are so grateful for what you have done. I’m very angry, I have to say. I cannot believe what’s going on. I knew it was going to be bad, I did not know it was going to be this bad. People who have lived here their whole lives, people who have been in this city longer than I have, the vast majority of whom have never done anything wrong, are being abducted, which is the correct word to use, by agents in masks, hiding their identities, grabbing people off the street and at work, sending people to detention centers. And to protest that, which is not only our right as Americans, it’s our responsibility, Los Angelenos gathered to demonstrate and, with very few exceptions, peacefully demonstrate to voice their opposition to this disgusting and unnecessary abuse of power instigated by our mentally ill president, who is dead-set on exacerbating this, who actually wants conflict, who is intentionally inflaming and lying to make it seem like there’s a war going on. He wants there to be a war going on here and he doesn’t care who gets hurt in it. There’s no riot outside. We have more so-called ‘unrest’ here when one of our teams wins a championship.
(Laughter)
But that’s not what you’re seeing on TV. Someone sets a fire in a garbage can, 12 camera crews go running toward it. Trump wants it to seem like anarchy, so he goes around our governor and calls in 4,000 troops from the National Guard and 700 active-duty marines. When we had the wildfires that devastated big chunks of our city, he did absolutely nothing. Now that we’re in the middle of a non-emergency, send in the National Guard!”