Star Wars Trilogy Told by a Pissed-Off Stormtrooper

Here’s the real story of the original Star Wars trilogy — A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi — as told by Stormtrooper Dave, an exhausted Imperial grunt who’s had enough of the Skywalkers, the Rebels, and his neck-choking boss.

Forget the heroic fairytale you grew up with — this is Dave’s side of the story: the side of the white-armored foot soldiers who couldn’t hit the broad side of a bantha but still showed up to work just to watch their retirement plan get blown up. Twice.

In this savage, no-holds-barred 6-minute rant, Dave roasts:
➡️ Luke Skywalker — the power converter crybaby turned family drama king
➡️ Princess Leia — bossy rebel with royal attitude and zero chill
➡️ Han Solo — full-time scoundrel, part-time romantic, lifetime bad influence
➡️ Darth Vader — worst manager ever, with a neck squeeze problem
➡️ Emperor Palpatine — galactic prune with a lightning fetish
➡️ Yoda & Obi-Wan — questionable mentors with confusing advice
➡️ Ewoks — fluffy woodland fiends who made Dave’s job hell

How did we make this?
We brought Stormtrooper Dave to life using VEO3 for custom intro, outro, and cut scenes, then gave him a voice (and attitude) with Eleven Labs. The final video — packed with legendary Star Wars moments, iconic images, and Dave’s comedic meltdown — was assembled in CapCut, so you can finally see this mess through a Stormtrooper’s cracked visor.

If you love parodies, Star Wars fan rants, and the idea that the real victims were the guys in the cheap plastic armor — stick around.

💥 Hit follow, drop a comment, and tell us which part Dave should roast next — the Prequels? Sequels?