How to End All Spam Phone Calls

I’m running for president on a single, beautifully simple issue: eliminating every last person responsible for spam phone calls.

That’s it. That’s the platform.

Not healthcare.

Not the economy.

Not the environment.

Not student loans.

Nope — I’m running for president on a single, beautifully simple issue that we can all get behind.

“Hi, this is an important message about your vehicle’s extended warranty…”
“Congratulations! You’ve qualified for a new line of credit…”
“Your Social Security number has been suspended…”

Those people?

Gone.

This isn’t a joke (OK, it’s mostly a joke), but let’s be honest: spam calls are the one thing every American can agree on. Democrats hate them. Republicans hate them. Independents, Green Party, Libertarians, your grandma with a flip phone — we all hate spam calls.

And yet… they keep coming.

Why?

Because someone, somewhere, is getting rich off our irritation.

Because we’ve allowed it. Because the government’s best idea so far has been a “Do Not Call List” that might as well be printed on a napkin and thrown in the ocean.

So I’m saying no more.

This video is satire… but not really. Because when your phone buzzes for the fifth time in a day and it’s another scam artist pretending to be “Amazon,” you don’t want regulation — you want vengeance.

Welcome to my dark comedy platform.

Call it a public service.

Call it justice.

Call it therapy.

Whatever you call it — just don’t call me about a reverse mortgage.

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