2 months ago

Pt5: https://rumble.com/v6x0v6e-verstitution-pt5.html
4: https://rumble.com/v6wyfv6-verstitution-pt4.html
3: https://rumble.com/v6wvls8-flash-boil-frog-tyranny-and-verstitution-pt3-in-description.html
2: https://rumble.com/v6wu6t0-verstitution-pt2.html
1: https://rumble.com/v6wr240-verstitution-pt1.html

Madison: "Hello?"

Ernest: "Hi, Madison? This is Ernest. I need your help, again."
Madison: "It's gonna cost you."

Ernest: "I know."

Madison: "What's wrong this time?"

Ernest: "A teen boy playing a motorcycle simulator at the golf course's arcade set off quite a chain reaction."

Madison: "How?"

Ernest: "He heard you over the phone, lost his concentration, fell off, and demanded restitution."

Madison: "Ha ha ha! So?"

Ernest: "So... in the process of reimbursing 75 cents, his video game character suffering damage was interpreted as me causing the boy physical harm in the eyes of the security guards and police responders."

Madison: "Pffft! That's hilarious."

Ernest: "From your persective, I fully understand how it would be, but I need you to rent me a house or condo under your name, in addition to a rental car."

Madison: "This sounds pretty heavy. I'm gonna need more money this time."

Ernest: "No, it's not that serious. The police officer pretty much knows that I'm innocent, and is only trying to clear my name."

Madison: "Still, I'm thinking $7,500, a discount on the legal fees like before, plus expenses."

Ernest: "Fine, but get me a condo in the city, not in town. Those goons at the honor farm might find me, otherwise."

Madison: "How long do you need the rental?"

Ernest: "At least 2 weeks while I search for new housing, and business space under a fictitious name."

Madison: "A 2 week rental plus a a car is pretty expensive. I'm gonna need the money up front."

Ernest: "No problem. When should I come by?"

Madison: "Come by? Why can't you use the cash app like everybody else?"

Ernest: "The electronic record is not a great idea under the circumstances. Cash, in person, seems like far less of a risk. Those who would usually track with the magnetic strips wouldn't be involved anymore."

Madison: "Okay, but you hand me a bag or a briefcase at the door and leave immediately. You're not coming in for 'coffee' and 'other stuff', ya know?"

Ernest: "Of course not. I'm well aware that our relationship is strictly professional, and I wasn't implying anything to the contrary. Why would you suspect that I was?"

Madison: "Men go to great lengths to win my affection, Ernest, and I can never be too cautious."
Erne
st: "I'm your attorney, Madison, not a suitor in pursuit."

Madison: "Suitor? Who says that anymore? You might as well have said, 'Gentleman caller'."

Ernest: "What's the current vernacular?"

Madison: "Ver what?"

Ernest: "How would you label a guy trying to get a woman into bed nowadays?"

Madison: "Usually a player."

Ernest: "Okay. Well... I'm just an attorney trying to give you money so that I can rent a condo and a car. I'm not a 'player', as you say. Is that a problem?"

Madison: "Are you gonna stare at my boobs while I take the money from you?"

Ernest: "No."

Madison: "Why not? They're very nice, big boobs."

Ernest: "But I've seen them before."

Madison: "You're no fun, Ernest."
Erne
st: "I like to believe that I'm somewhat fun. You saw me against Justice Stevens, right?"

Madison: "Ehhhh. Nah... That's too egghead for today. You're like a paragraph of gibberish in a world of emojis and 1 to 2 word reactions."

Ernest; [Sarcastic] Gee, thanks."

Madison: [Aware, aloof, and equally sarcastic] "You're welcome."

[Claudia returns to Maxi Mini Golf in her squad car, opting to exploit her deputized role to gain access to the surveillance footage.]

Sam: "Hello, Officer Vander something. Welcome back."

Claudia: [Sighing] "Sam? I need to see the surveillance footage from earlier today."

Sam: "Okay. You'll have to walk to the back of the arcade and knock on the door that reads, 'Private.' My manager will let you in. I'll call to tell him that you're coming."

Claudia: "Thank you."

Sam: "Hey? I got those gamblers banned for life."

Claudia: [Smirking, uninterested] "Great. Good for you. May I go see the manager, please?"

Sam: "One more thing."
Claudia: Ugh! You are insufferable! What do you want, now?!"

Sam: "Geez. I was just going to tell you to knock twice, wait a few seconds, and then knock two more times."

Claudia: "WHY?! What is WRONG with you?!"

Sam: [Righteously indignant] "Um... Corporate policy, Officer. We've had some attempts on our vault, so we change the knocking sequence every few hours so that the manager isn't opening the door to anyone unauthorized."

Claudia: [Guilt-ridden] "Oh, sorry. I had no idea."

Sam: [Smug] "Well... now you do, and off you go."

[Motioning rapidly with dangling fingers, Sam shoos Claudia like a clingy puppy. She delivers the stink eye, walks to the rear, and knocks on the door. The manager, Robert, opens it.]

Robert: "Hello, Officer. I'm Robert Allenson. Come on in."

Claudia: "Thank you."

Robert: "How may I help you?"

Claudia: "I need to see the surveillance footage from earlier today, due to a teen who claimed to have been injured by a fellow patron."

Robert: "Of course. What was the approximate time of the incident?"

Claudia: "I believe it was early to mid 3PM range, but I may have to see earlier footage as well, in case the boy entered initials or a nickname among the high scores on one of the games."

Robert: "Sure thing. I'll set you up on the server across from my desk and you can queue to anything you need to see."

Claudia: "Excellent. Did you happen to see or hear anything about the incident?"

Robert: "The guards informed me, yes."

Claudia: "Would I be able to speak with them again?"

Robert: "At their homes, I suppose. I fired them for not detaining the boy as a critical witness."

Claudia: "Understood. I'd have done the same. I guess I'll get started on my search."

Robert: "Best of luck."

[Claudia smiles at Robert, then turns around and sits at the server console while Robert opens the folder containing the video.]

Robert: "You're all set."

Claudia: "Thank you so much, Robert."

[Shortly after Claudia finds Ernest in the video, she can't believe her eyes.

Unrelated, but simultaneous to Claudia's jaw-dropping discovery, Ernest made a mental note of the prohibition against withdrawing more than $10,000 from a bank, so he decides to withdraw the funds from 2 separate banks.]

Teller at bank #1: "May I help the next customer in line, please?"

Ernest: "Hi. I need to make a withdrawal."

Teller: "$7,500 is a lot of money, sir, and you've requested cash on the withdrawal form. Please wait one moment while I seek assistance from a manager."

Ernest: [Shaking his head] "Uh... Okay."

[The teller returns with a manager.]

Manager: "Good afternoon, Mr. Kittenish. May I ask why you need so much cash?"

Ernest: "You may."

Manager: [Clears throat] "Why do you need so much cash?"

Ernest: "My lady friend likes cash."

Manager: [Eyes widened] "Your... uh... lady friend?"

Ernest: "Yes."

Manager: "What is the nature of the transaction you're planning with her?"

Ernest: "Gift giving."

Manager: "You do realize that there are cash apps available, don't you, in addition to personal checks?"

Ernest: [Scowling] "Yes, sir. I know about cash apps. They never ask questions, though. Why is it different with paper money? Everything is surveilled in The Police State."

Manager: "I don't know about that, sir, but we're required to inquire about any large withdrawals."

Ernest: "Are you going to dispatch a Treasury Agent or Federal Marshal with a remote magnetic strip detector, so that he or she can pull me over and confiscate the money indefinitely as part of a drug trafficking investigation?"

Manager: "That's by no means our policy, Mr. Kittenish."

[The manager winks at Ernest, smiles at the teller, and the teller smiles back. Both then wink simultaneously at Ernest.]

Ernest: "Great. Just give me a money order for $10,000."

Manager: "I'm unaware of any... eh hem... unconventional entrepreneurs who accept money orders, so good day to you, Mr. Kittenish. Ms. Guardino... As you were."

Teller (Ms. Guardino): "Mr. Kittenish? There is a fee of $10 for the money order. Is that okay?"

Ernest: "Not really, no. I came here for cash. I can get a money order at the mega store for less than a tenth of that price."

Guardino: "It's been a pleasure serving you, Mr. Kittenish."

Ernest: "Or... not... rather."

Guardino: "Um... yes, I suppose. Is there anything else with which I might help you?"

Ernest: "Wait a minute. Don't the mega stores require cash for money orders?"

Guardino: "I believe they do, yes."

Ernest: "But I can't get the $7,500 or $10,000 in cash from you?"

Guardino: "No, sir. That's correct."

Ernest: [Painfully sighing] "Here's $10 in cash for the money order."

Guardino: "Would you like a receipt?"

Ernest: "Doesn't the money order, itself, and the perforated portion that I retain serve the function of a receipt?"

Guardino: "There are other customers waiting, Mr. Kittenish. A simple 'yes' or 'no' will suffice."

Ernest: "You could have said 'yes' or 'no' just then, too, without drawing this out."

Guardino: "Please, sir. I don't want to have to summon the manager again."

Ernest: "Why would you have to do that?"

Guardino: "You're being difficult, Mr. Kittenish."

Ernest: "Difficult?! Will you please give me the money order so I can get out of here?!"

Guardino: "That's it. I'm calling the police."

Ernest: "The police?! Why??"

Guardino: "You shouted at me.... Twice, now."

Ernest: "That's not illegal."

Guardino: "This is private property, Mr. Kittenish, and if you don't behave yourself, then you're trespassing."

Ernest: "May I just leave, please?"

Guardino: "I'm afraid not."

[The teller calls out to the security guard standing by the entrance.]

Guardino: "Mr. Lewis? Please take Mr. Kittenish to our holding room while I contact the authorities."

Lewis: "Yes, ma'am."

Customer behind Ernest: "Hey?! You're closing the only open window?! I need to cash my paycheck!"

Guardino: "Mr. Lewis? Please return for this gentleman once you've secured Mr. Kittenish."

[Lewis nods, sighs, shrugs, and shakes his head in defeat. The customer runs away since he's not an account holder at that bank, therefore fearing nothing. Facial recognition software, however, results in his arrest and incarceration 4 1/2 hours later.]

[Robert Allenson hears Claudia gasping.]

Robert: "Is everything okay, Officer?"

Claudia: "I didn't expect any arcades to still have Ms. Pac Man."

Robert: "Uh, yes. It remains quite challenging for the current generation, due to the increasing speed and modifications in the layout of the mazes."

Claudia: "Right. I think I've seen all that I need to see. The suspect clearly never harmed that boy in any way."

Robert: "How do you know that?"

Claudia: "Because he was escorted away from the video game by your 2 guards after merely placing 2 quarters on the screen's plastic frame."

Robert: "But what about the boy's false accusation?"

Claudia: "I don't believe that there was one. I should probably be arresting your former security guards for failing to detain a boy who was citing harm to the video game's character, erroneously interpreted as himself."

Robert: "How might we make this problem disappear, Officer?"

Claudia: "Are you attempting to bribe me? Because I won't hesitate to arrest you prior to quitting the force and dedicating my efforts full time to private investigation."

Robert: "Are you moonlighting as a private investigator, Officer?"

Claudia: "Not as far as you know. Would you like to test me, and risk facing jail for bribery?"

Robert: "No. How might we make this right?"

Claudia: "I was never here, and nor were you."

Robert: "Are you suggesting that I mark myself 'out sick' for today?"

Claudia: "Is that a problem?"
Robert: "No, but I'd have to erase my card key access record."

Claudia: "Is that difficult to do?"

Robert: "No, but how much are you going to pay me?"

Claudia: "Well... now you're definitely dealing in bribery of a public official."

Robert: "I don't see it that way. You diverted me from my customary duties."

Claudia: "For how long?"

Robert: About 5 minutes."

Claudia: "How much do you earn per hour?"

Robert: "$25."

Claudia: "How's $5 sound?"

Robert: "Deal!"

[The door to the bank's holding room opens a few minutes later. Ernest rolls his eyes and frustratingly exhales.]

Officer Donaldson: "You, again?! I'm positive I just saw you less than 2 hours ago at Maxi Mini Golf when I hauled away those strippers."

Ernest: [Annoyed] "Yes. That was me."

O.D.: "Hey?! Don't give me any attitude, pal. This could be a whole lot worse for you than it is already. What did you do this time?"

Ernest: "I exclaimed surprise that I was allegedly being difficult, asked for my money order, and was held for trespassing."

O.D.: "That's pretty funny, but did they ask you to leave first?"

Ernest: "No. I asked if I could, though."

O.D.: "Hey?! Just answer my questions. No extraneous information, okay?"

Ernest: "Sorry."

O.D.: "Don't apologize! Guilt is emotionally toxic, ya know? I understand that a Ms. Guardino accused you of trespassing, correct?"

Ernest: "Yes."

O.D.: "Where might I find her."

Ernest: "She's a teller."

O.D.: "Hey?! I asked where she was, not what she does!"

Ernest: "Being a teller, she's likely at the counter."

O.D.: "Are you gettin' smart with me, again?"

Ernest: "I am an attorney, so we're generally smart and don't have to exert ourselves much in getting there."

O.D.: "Well, I don't like you much, Mr...?"

Ernest: "Kittenish. Ernest Kittenish."

O.D.: "This isn't a Bond film, sir, and you're in no shape to be a super spy, so, in the future, please kindly state your first and last name once each! Got it?"

Ernest: "Yes, Officer."

O.D.: "Right. You're free to go since your story jives with the call forwarded to me from dispatch, but Ms. Guardino won't be so fortunate."

Ernest: "Why is that?"

O.D.: "Hey?! Don't get nosy. Just go home. It's none of your business anymore, unless you should decide to log on to view the police blotter or peruse the public records."

Ernest: "Wow! She's being arrested?"

O.D.: "What did I just say about being nosy?"

Ernest: "Don't get it."

O.D.: "Don't get what?"

Ernest: "Nosy."

O.D.: What?! I'm not being nosy. You are. You're risking obstruction of justice charges if you prevent me from arresting Ms. Guardino ASAP!"

Ernest: "So you ARE arresting her?"

O.D.: "I just got finished telling you that that's none of your business!"

Ernest: "But you TOLD me that you plan to arrest her."

O.D.: "One more word out of you and you're going to jail. Or worse... the honor farm."

[Ernest stands up and begins walking out of the holding room.]

O.D.: "Where do you think you're going?!"