"Melania Calls Jared a ‘Snake’ While Jaden Smith Goes Full Cosmic Crazy"

In a week that felt like a crossover episode between Real Housewives of the White House and Interdimensional Cable, two unlikely figures stole the spotlight: Melania Trump and Jaden Smith. And honestly, we’re not sure which one was more unhinged.

First up, Melania Trump reportedly referred to Jared Kushner as a “snake” in a heated exchange. Sources say (aka, someone’s cousin’s friend’s Uber driver who overheard something) that the former FLOTUS was not pleased with Jared’s alleged behind-the-scenes maneuvers. Was it about business? Politics? Or just Jared’s uncanny ability to look like a ventriloquist dummy come to life? We may never know. But if Melania’s calling you a snake, you know you’ve messed up—because this is a woman who once wore a jacket that said “I REALLY DON’T CARE, DO U?” to visit migrant children. Savage.

Meanwhile, in an entirely different universe (or possibly just Calabasas), Jaden Smith continued his quest to become the most enlightened 25-year-old on the planet. The Karate Kid star turned Philosophy Bro posted yet another head-scratching tweet, this time about… existing in multiple dimensions? Time being an illusion? Or maybe he just ate one too many vegan gummies. #melaniatrump #willsmith