Angel Mine

1 month ago
51

"Angel Mine" Written by Giuseppe — a 50 something-year-old, overweight live streamer and self-proclaimed “truth rocker” whose blood pressure is one bad cannoli away from catastrophic. He runs a nightly stream from his garage (which doubles as a weight bench/ham radio station) under the username @MetalRealmsGiuseppe, where he rants about fluoride, cancel culture, and the tragic decline of Dio-era Sabbath while his two undisciplined huskies, Diesel and Freedom, gnaw on his mic cables.

His wife, Tonya, has mentally and emotionally ghosted him. She hasn’t watched one of his streams in six years and refers to his music as “screaming marinara nonsense.” She keeps threatening to move in with her cousin in Tampa but stays out of sheer inertia (and probably mild schadenfreude).

And then it happens.

After a night of chugging Monster Energy and eating an entire box of discount cannoli, Giuseppe claims he receives a cosmic transmission—not from Earth, not from Tonya, but from an interdimensional goddess he believes is his twin flame. Her name, he insists, cannot be spoken—only screamed. Thus, "Angel Mine" is born.

The song is a two minute forty nine second, double-kick drum, throat-shredding love anthem that blends apocalyptic riffs with spiritual delusion. It begins with a whispered Rumi quote, awkwardly overlaid with distant thunder, and then erupts into a wall of distorted guitars, unintelligible screams, and a haunting chorus that repeats “MY! MY! MY! ANGEL MINE!” like a Gregorian chant being screamed by a man in a Slipknot mask.

Giuseppe describes the track as “a soul contract written in fire.” Listeners describe it as “what it sounds like when your uncle has a breakdown during karaoke.”

Key lyrics like:

“YOUR LOVE HEALS MY PAIN! YOUR LOVE HEAAAALLLLSS!!”

...are howled with such throat-destroying intensity that Giuseppe actually passed out mid-recording. He later described it as "a spiritual seizure, but in a good way."

Tonya calls it “auditory domestic violence.”

The song premieres during a live stream titled "They Said I Was Crazy (But So Was Jesus)", where Giuseppe, drenched in sweat and wearing an Affliction shirt two sizes too small, headbangs in front of a glitchy slideshow of space angels, ancient ruins, and screenshots of his DMs with some OF model named StarseedGoddess420.

Ironically—or perhaps inevitably—the song goes viral. Not for its power. Not for its passion. But because someone edited it over a TikTok of a toddler screaming at a goat, and it syncs perfectly.

Still, Giuseppe takes this as confirmation from the Universe. He begins work on a full concept album titled "Metal Hearts & Quantum Souls", including tracks like “Cannoli of Destiny” and “Tonya Never Understood the Light.”

Meanwhile, Tonya’s already downloaded a dating app.
The huskies piss in his guitar case.
Giuseppe uploads another shirtless vlog.

But every night, he lights a single candle (scent: Napalm & Nutmeg), straps on his wireless mic, and screams into the void:

“ANGEL MINE — TRANSCENDING TIME! SHARING A LOVE! A LOVE DIVINE!!!”

The neighbors file another noise complaint.
Giuseppe reaches enlightenment.

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