Chris and Capt Ron vs The 10,000 Islands (Spoiler: The Dog Wins)

30 days ago
17

**DISCLAIMER: THIS STORY MAY NOT BE TRUE.**
(But if it is, good luck getting any of us to admit it under oath.)

Welcome to the most chaotic aquatic adventure the 10,000 Islands have ever seen — and possibly the reason there are new "no jetskiing with large dogs" signs popping up everywhere.

It all started with two idiots (and one very good dog) — Chris, armed with a Kawasaki Ultra 310 (aka the floating equivalent of a caffeinated rhino), and Capt Ron, the proud owner of a Yamaha Waverunner AND a fearless German Shepherd who apparently thinks he's part seal.

The mission:
Ride through the 10,000 Islands, find the legendary abandoned dome houses, cause general mayhem, and somehow not get eaten by an alligator or abducted by swamp ghosts.

Fueled by gas station beef jerky, questionable sunscreen application, and absolutely zero regard for adult responsibility, Chris and Capt Ron launched into the wild blue-green yonder at what scientists now believe was "several hundred miles per hour, emotionally."

Picture it:
Chris tearing up the mangrove-lined waterways, leaving rooster tails taller than small buildings behind him, and Capt Ron somehow balancing his German Shepherd like a rodeo champion on the back of his Waverunner, one hand on the throttle, the other tossing the dog treats mid-air to keep morale high.

You have NOT lived until you’ve seen a 90-pound German Shepherd bark aggressively at a passing dolphin from a moving jetski.

At one point, a manatee looked up from its slow, peaceful existence and simply shook its head, disappointed.

After multiple wrong turns, several dramatic (but somehow still graceful) beachings, and at least two "is this quicksand?!" incidents, the crew finally rolled up on the world-famous Dome Houses.
And when I say "rolled up," I mean Chris accidentally did a full throttle fly-by, almost launching the Ultra 310 through the roof of the nearest dome. Missed it by *that* much. (We're still not sure if it's technically "trespassing" if you don't actually land *on* something.)

Meanwhile, Capt Ron parked his Waverunner like a true sea captain, posed with his German Shepherd like a Walmart Aquaman, and declared the domes as their "new summer home."

Plans are currently pending to list it on Airbnb under "Haunted Sci-Fi Beachfront Villa."

Along the way, other highlights included:
- Chris inventing the world's worst musical genre: **"Supercharger Noises + Screaming"**
- Capt Ron attempting a drive-thru fishing session without ever leaving his Waverunner
- An actual battle with a rogue squadron of no-see-ums that may have permanently damaged morale
- Several philosophical arguments about whether you can truly "own" an abandoned house if you pee near it first (jury's still out)

At the end of the day, no arrests were made, no domes were harmed (probably), and Capt Ron’s German Shepherd is now the undisputed king of the 10,000 Islands.

If you like:
- Dogs on jetskis
- Speed-fueled poor decision making
- Haunted-looking beach architecture
- Watching two dudes barely dodge criminal charges
- Bad life advice, delivered fast and wet

Then SMASH that like button harder than Chris smashed a sandbar at 45 mph (this part is a true story - in Jacksonville).
Subscribe or the next dog on a jetski might be YOURS.
Comment below if you think Capt Ron’s German Shepherd deserves his own jetski (because honestly, he does).

⚡ Special thanks to the Ultra 310 for being way too fast for its own good.
⚡ Special thanks to Capt Ron’s German Shepherd for being the true hero we didn’t deserve.

MERCH COMING SOON:
"RUN WHAT YA BRUNG — EVEN IF IT'S A DOG" shirts in stock now.

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