A League Overblown

The first half of this skit poked fun at the faux vid (sorry, COVID) virus and the silly and as it turned out, very arbitrary, six feet physical distancing (sometimes known as social distancing) rule. Of course since Sapsucker and Willow Tit are two are only five and a half feet apart and physical distancing is supposed to be at least six feet, it leads to the inevitable conclusion by Sapsucker that “This town ain’t big enough fer the two of us.”

The second half of the skit makes fun of the time-wasting and mind-rotting social media platform known as TikTok, also known here in CoBaD as the “shouting and crying in your car app.”

Willow Tit: “Alright. I’ll leave. This town ain’t interestin’ enough for the two of us neither. Damn sure ain’t interestin’ enough to fight virtually…”
Sapsucker: “Or vicariously…”
Willow Tit: “Yep…”
Sapsucker: “Like them zit faced nerds in the 1930s playin’ ‘Monopoly,’ sayin’ ‘Wouldn’t it be great if this here money was real?’”
Willow Tit: “Or them lily livered weasels with Napoleon complexes in the 1950s playin’ ‘Risk’”…
Sapsucker: "Or them 30 year old cellar dwellers livin’ in their parents’ basements dressin’ up like Ren fair rejects in the 1980s playin’ ‘Dungeons and Dragons’..."
Willow Tit: “Or them fantasy sports gurus workin’ six figure dead end programming jobs insisting that their wives call them ‘commissioner’ in bed.”

Willow Tit and Sapsucker are skewering the modern day phenomenon known as sports fantasy leagues. When juxtaposed here with children’s board games it shows how childish sports fantasy leagues really are and how they quite easily foster delusional behavior with their promises of wealth and bragging rights. In a way, fantasy leagues are much worse than the board games; board games only last for a rainy afternoon and keep the kids out of your hair. “Overblown” fantasy football leagues, for instance, between the draft, in-season trades and the games themselves, can easily consume four months (or roughly three Don Quixote sallies).

Dear: “The spotted hawk swoops by and accuses me, he complains of my gab and my loitering.

I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable,
I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world.”

From poem 52 of Walk Whitman’s “Song of Myself.” This quote was famously referenced in the 1989 movie “Dead Poet’s Society.”

Richard Suckers: “But as I was saying about the gunfight, I was most disappointed in today’s no score draw. Vegas spotted the Sapsucker three bullets and had him not only covering the spread, but winning by a score of a gaping head wound to a punctured lung. So I started him in my lineup and sat the Mexican League sensation, the Brown Thrasher. And since there weren’t even any fatalities, I wasn’t even able to cover my losses by going through the loser’s pockets for loose change and mouth for gold fillings. For me, this was my most disappointing lineup since the 1881 Gunfight Outside Fly’s Photography Gallery when the Earp brothers, Doc Holliday, the Clanton Brothers, the McLaury brothers and Billy Claiborne failed to cover the 35 second duration over under.
Officially known as “The Gunfight at the OK Corral,” the October 26, 1881 Tombstone, Arizona gunfight didn’t actually occur AT the OK Corral. It occurred at the corner of Third and Fremont in an alley outside Camillus “Buck” Sydney Fly’s Photography Gallery (for more on C.S. Fly, see the “War Planner” sketch). It is worth noting, though, that members of the two opposing parties in the gunfight were no closer than six feet apart, so although three gunfighters were shot to death and three more were wounded, at least they practiced responsible physical distancing.

The Gunfight at the O.K. Corral has been dubbed “30 bullets in 30 seconds,” although it’s impossible to really say if that moniker is actually true, and if the parties involved indeed covered the spread.

Richard Suckers: “Drop me off in my driveway, though. I’m hosting my “Heaves of Gas” livestream in an hour.”

We think Suckers is referring to another collection of Walt Whitman poems called “Leaves of Grass.” But given his penchant for belching we highly doubt it…

Richard Suckers: “Plus I gotta load up on Cheerwine before I start…” - Cheerwine, contrary to what it name suggests, is a non-alcoholic beverage. It is a cherry flavored soda manufactured in Salisbury, North Carolina. We here at CoBaD believe that Cheerwine (if you can find it) makes the best burps …

Bill Hoot: “Alright, Dick, I’ll drop you and Dear off first, then I’ll drop off Will, then I’ll drop off the Volkswagen Beetle’s battery in the middle of the freeway on the way home…”

A Volkswagen Beetle’s battery is stored in a bay underneath the right rear seat. The problem is that over time the acid from the battery can leak out and corrode the metal underneath the battery, causing the battery to fall out, as what happened one time in a troupe member’s relative with her 1966 Beetle.

Richard Suckers: “Sounds good. Let’s roll...”
Announcer: Okay. “I’ll just back out of the driveway here and we’ll get going…”

Volkswagen Beetles have a “sweet spot” when it comes to changing gears, especially when shifting into reverse. If you don’t have the clutch perfectly engaged, you get that infamous grinding sound.

Will Tittz: “Love yer con-vertible, Bill.”
Bill Hoot: “Thanks.”
Richard Suckers: “’Con’ what?”
Dear: “You didn’t voice that skit, Dick. I’ll explain it before your Gas cast….”
Richard Suckers: “Oh, okay...”

For more on the “con-vertible” reference, see the “Rights of Speech” sketch.

Dear: “That’s nothing like a ‘YAWP,’ ya know. Sounds more like belch’d words loosed to the eddies of the wind…” - Refers to Poem 2 in Walk Whitman’s “Song of Myself” (“The sound of the belch’d words of my voice loos’d to the eddies of the wind, A few light kisses, a few embraces, a reaching around of arms.”)

Caption and voiceover: “Bill Hoot’s Boot Hill Shootout Wrap Up is a Vainglorious Attention-Seeking Over the top Presentation in partnership with An Insufferable Dork in his Convertible with the Top Down and the Windows Up Productions.”

A troupe member’s brother, an automobile mechanic, once told him there should be a “Dork Mode” installed on all convertibles, whereby it becomes impossible for the driver to drive the convertible with the top down and the windows rolled up. If any enterprising minds out there do decide to engineer such a feature into a car, please let us here at CoBaD know so we can give the troupe member’s brother his due credit.

Voiceover: “Chairman Rosie’s Instant Karma has been brought to you by Instant Cartman. Whether it’s a light half hour episode of recycled material completely dodging criticism of the Biden administration because your lawyer donated to the family’s defense fund, or a thirst quenching five-year contract bending the knee to a major studio run by Jews, Instant Cartman’s gonna get you! Drink the Kool-Aid at your next barbeque, next office party, or your next wedding reception. Instant Cartman! The only drink for the cooked, the cucked and the fucked. A Corn Pop, PIAAC and ADL Company.”

Kevin Morris, the Los Angeles-based attorney for Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park, allegedly gave seven million dollars to the attorney of Hunter Biden, the son of President Joe Biden, to pay for Hunter’s legal fees. This explains why South Park never made fun of President Biden or Hunter Biden. This wasn’t even a case of friends helping out other friends. When asked how long Mr. Morris knew Hunter Biden, he allegedly said two days. Curious.

In July, 2025, Trey Parker and Matt Stone signed a five year, 1.5 billion dollar contract with the newly formed Paramount Skydance. Paramount’s owner, chairman and CEO is David Ellison, the son of Larry Ellison. David Ellison, like his father, is Jewish, so it will be interesting to see if Trey and Matt will go after Jews with the same vigor as Trump (like, say, putting, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s face on Satan’s body), or if Parker and Stone will in fact cuck to their new boss and consider making fun of Jews (and Israel) off limits just like the Biden administration. We here at CoBaD think the latter will be the case. It will become apparent very quickly, since one of the main characters, Kyle, is Jewish.

For more on PIAAC (the Pro-Israeli Anti-American Coalition) and ADL (The Auntie Damnation League), see the “Rights of Speech” sketch.

Full Desert Logo by MVM Productions and Dusty Rearview Mirror by Beau Welsh are courtesy Premiumbeat.com.

References:
Forbes.com. Craig, M. 25 July 2025. South Park’s Creators Are Now Billionaires. https://www.forbes.com/sites/mattcraig/2025/07/25/south-parks-creators-are-now-billionaires/

Jerusalem Post. 31 July 2024. Jewish business leaders transform media landscape with $8 billion deal
https://www.jpost.com/business-and-innovation/article-812772

Poets.org. Whitman, W. Song of Myself, 2. https://poets.org/poem/song-myself-2

Poets.org. Whitman, W. Song of Myself, 52. https://poets.org/poem/song-myself-52

Rumble.com. The Salty Cracker. South Park's Attack Backfire ReEEeStream 8-08-25. https://rumble.com/v6xc1co-south-parks-attack-backfire-reeeestream-8-08-25.html?e9s=src_v1_cmd,src_v1_ucp_a
(1:30:00-1:51:32)

Wikipedia. Gunfight at the O.K. Corral. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gunfight_at_the_O.K._Corral

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Convulsions of Birth and Death (CoBaD) is a comedy sketch troupe founded in September, 2022 that posts skits on social media covering varied topics such as music, history, art, science, sports, literature and events encountered in everyday life. The title was inspired by Henry David Thoreau’s “Civil Disobedience” (1849), an essay written as a protest against the U.S. government taking his “gift” (i.e., his taxes), and wasting it in ways in which he did not approve (e.g., war and slavery). CoBaD writes sketches in the spirit of Thoreau, but instead of strictly casting its nets outwards towards governments and figures of authority, it projects its protest inwards by taking a humorous, lightheaded look at humanity and specifically those who take the greatest gift of all, life, and senselessly and stupidly waste it on greed, narcissism, self-centeredness, petty-mindedness, arrogance, opportunism, power-grabbing, quid pro quo, the status quo, ulterior motives, and the most despicable waste of all, social media.