No Ifs, No Buts.

No Ifs, No Buts: Why Cliff Booth Got It All Wrong.

Sometimes a joke can tell you more about society than a lecture ever could.

I once made a light-hearted quip:
“I’m a straight man, but I would happily be gay for a night with George.”

George Michael, of course. A legend. A man whose voice, talent, and charisma lit up a generation. Growing up in Brighton — the gay capital of the UK — my role models weren’t the hard men of football terraces or the stone-faced politicians of Westminster. They were George Michael, Freddie Mercury, Elton John, and even the glitzy, over-the-top Liberace. To me, they weren’t “gay icons,” they were icons — full stop.

So when I joked about George, it wasn’t scandalous or strange. It was me tipping my hat to a man who embodied style, confidence, and freedom.

But YouTube commentator Cliff Booth thought otherwise. His response was swift and absolute:

“Then you are definitely not straight – no ifs, buts, or any exceptions in any way shape or form!”

According to Cliff, humour, admiration, or even a passing fantasy disqualifies you from straightness. No exceptions. No wiggle room. No ifs or buts.

And here’s the kicker: the tone of his reply suggested that being gay is something bad. Something to be denied, hidden, or corrected.

That’s where I draw the line.

There is nothing wrong with being gay. There is nothing shameful about sexuality in any of its forms. And even if I was gay — what business is it of Cliff’s, or anyone else’s, to pass judgment?

The problem isn’t with my joke. The problem lies with people like Cliff, who cling to rigid labels and outdated notions of masculinity. Brighton taught me that love is love. My role models taught me that authenticity is the real measure of a person. And history teaches us that those who sneer at others’ identities usually reveal more about themselves than about the people they attack.

So here’s my conclusion: if joking about George Michael means I’m “definitely not straight,” then maybe straightness is too small a box to describe a full, vibrant life. Labels were made to be challenged, bent, or broken altogether.

As Freddie sang: “I want to break free.”

And if Cliff Booth doesn’t like it? Well, to borrow a phrase: no ifs, no buts.