Verstitution Pt16

Pt15: https://rumble.com/v6yj2zg-verstitution-pt15.html / 14: v6y7wr0-verstitution-pt14.html / 13: v6xxrp0-verstitution-pt13.html / 12: https://rumble.com/v6xr50q-verstitution-pt12.html / 11: v6xmsci-verstitution-pt11.html / 6: https://rumble.com/v6x4cf2-verstitution-pt6.html

[Ernest returns to the original table to discover a lemon-fresh scent, so the custodians were one step ahead of him. Claudia, following directly behind him, joins seconds later.]

Ernest: "I hope Madison's okay. I didn't choose my words very carefully."

Claudia: "Odd... you being a criminal defense attorney."

Ernest: "I suppose, but I like to believe that lack of filtration is part of my charm."

Claudia: "I'd like to believe that, too, but it would take me a while to catch up with you. Madison... perhaps even longer, since you made her physically sick with your words."

Ernest: "Are you interested in catching up?" [Quickly raises eyebrows, twice]

[Claudia has to drop her fork from laughing so hard.]

Claudia: "Definitely, Ernest. You make me laugh. A sense of humor is very important to me."

Ernest: "I don't know how long my commitment is going to be after Monday, when I contact the court to explain the SNAFU with the jail and the honor farm, but would you like to have dinner with me once I've served my time?"

Claudia: [Smiling and blushing] "Absolutely."

Spoilers below.... [Rumble addendum: The simple truth is that I suffered a nightmare in 2023 relating to this script, on par with what I'd endured in 2016 regarding my on-line [funny money-based] poker addiction. A State target, like anyone, must pick his / her battles, and no script / writing project is worth chronic nightmares.]
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I fully expect the story to jump ahead several months after the conversation that Ernest has with the court the following Monday. Below is the day that Barry "Sorry" Sorrenson and Madison have in court for the appeal. Apart from that, the publicity tour, and a subsequent scene of Ernest and Claudia in the throes of a passionate affair, there's not much left to go.

The Appeal

Barry "Sorry" Sorrenson: "Distinguished Jurists? My client, Ms. Madison Holloway, like many who have a paid subscription service on the internet, finds herself being frequently impersonated by scammers on ad supported social media. She relies upon such sites for referrals to her personal page, but, by virtue of the unwillingness of those site admins to adequately punish parties engaging in fraud, Ms. Holloway finds it prudent only to engage in conversation on her personal page.

While she may be profiting from such activity, it is not the primary motivation. Even if she was motivated solely by profit, do attorneys, physicians, accountants, and therapists not charge money for consultatiions, amounting to conversation? One may argue that those are qualified, certified professionals, but my client is a professional model, entertainer, and source of validation for men on the internet who, for whatever reason, may not be engaging face-to-face as regularly as an average person. She makes no promises of anything to be gained from her conversation, and she pays all tax due on her income.

Madison Holloway is not a criminal. Judge Wilfred Stevens, in the lower court, agreed with my colleague, Ernest Kittenish, Esquire's defense to an extent that he waived the $500 fine, pending this appeal. To paraphrase, he said that it was not his role to question the law, but to enforce it and render a judgment.

As Justice Stevens surely noted during the cross examination of Jacob Dillingham, it would not constitute a crime if an author of a provocative book... Madonna, for instance... signed a book with a personalized note to the reader / buyer, and charged money for that signature. Verstitution is an unjust law in discriminating against text on a screen, while ink on a book jacket or inner cover remains legal.

Distinguished Jurists? Please strike this unjust law from The State code. Thank you."

Chief Justice: "You do realize, do you not, that the inclusion of Justice Stevens in your plea amounts to the fallacy of Appeal to Authority?"

Sorrenson: "Forgive me, Chief Justice Gruber, but this entire process is an appeal... to authority."

CJ Gruber: "You're out of line, Mr. Sorrenson. This process is akin to a physician's second opinion. The fallacy concerns regurgitation of an authority figure's statements."

Sorrenson: "But what about the example to which I alluded? Would you convict Madonna of signing a personalized note on her Sex book if she published it today, and charged for the note?"

CJ Gruber: "That's a valid point, and I agree that the law is unjust."

Sorrenson: "Then why did you have to waste our time worrying about the trivial fallacy?"

CJ Gruber: "Would you like to go to jail for contempt?"

Sorrenson: "Not particularly, but I bet that it would help with the publicity tour."

CJ Gruber: "Fine, then. No jail."

Sorrenson: "Why not?"

CJ Gruber: "Because you'd derive pleasure and profit from it."

Sorrenson: "Oh. So... conviction reversed? Law overtunred?"

CJ Gruber: "There are 9 of us, Counselor. We must confer and vote."

Sorrenson: "Very well. Pound your gavel so I can go play some golf with Ernie."

CJ Gruber: "Who's Ernie?"

Sorrenson: "The attorney who was supposed to appear."

CJ Gruber: "Why is he not here?"

Sorrenson: "The honor farm."

CJ Gruber: "Oh! Say no more. Please... please... say no more. We don't know. We don't NEED to know. We don't WANT to know. If you'd like me to pound my gavel so that you'll leave immediately, that's fine, but... either way, I want you out of this court ASAP."

Sorrenson: "Let's go, Madison"

Madison: "I'd kinda like to see the gavel pounding. I think it's sexy."

[CJ Gruber blushes, then pounds his gavel. Madison winks and smiles at Gruber.]

*****
Back to the hotel restaurant...
*****

[Claudia glances at Ernest's plate and a curiosity catches her eye.]

Claudia: [Pointing] "What is that? Looks interesting."

Ernest: [Embarrassed] "I think it's just scrambled eggs."

Claudia: "I'm a cop, Ernest. You can't lie to me."

Ernest: "That seems to be going around."

Claudia: [Confused and mildly offended] "Whadda you mean?"

Ernest: "The officer who performed first aid on Garfield seems to be under the impression that I hired Madison as a prostitute, because of what she said about me paying her so much before running to the ladies' room."

[Claudia begins laughing.]

Claudia: [Tongue in cheek] "That should be a fun interrogation."

Ernest: [Sarcastic] "Oh, you know it. I'm lookin' forward to it."

Claudia: "What about that food, though? What is it, really?"

[Ernest sighs and gazes upward as if seeking divine intervention.]

Ernest: "They're cheese blintzes."

Claudia: "But why don't they look like blintzes?"

Ernest: "Claudia, please know that I did what I could to spare you the nauseating truth, but I panicked when I heard you shouting for me. I didn't want you to see me, in my starving state, with a mouth full of treats."

Claudia: [Sympathetic] "Oh. I see why you were inclined to conceal the truth, but I've seen a lot worse than that in my years on the force. Don't worry about it."

Ernest: "Thank you."

Claudia: "I'm just glad that you didn't run away and leave me worrying about your welfare any longer, so thank you."

Ernest: "Did we just share a MOMENT over partially digested cheese blintzes?"

Claudia: [Giggling] "I believe we did."

Ernest: "Would you mind, terribly, going to the ladies' room to see if Madison's okay? I'd do it myself if I could, legally."

Claudia: "I sure will, Ernest. You're a good friend to her."

[Ernest smiles politely at Claudia. She reciprocates and rises from the table.]