Study finds what couples actually need to have in common

A quarter of coupled-up Americans say their partner is their “polar opposite.”

That’s according to a new survey of 2,000 Americans in a relationship or married, which found that 26% believe their partner is the complete opposite of them.

The survey explored how many truly believe that opposites attract, finding that the majority do (73%), with women being more likely to (74% vs. 69%).

Further, the survey conducted by Talker Research for LELO found that 65% believe the “opposites attract” theory applies to them and their partner.

Respondents were split by personality indicators, finding that introverts tend to prefer extroverts (58%), and extroverts tend to prefer introverts (55%).

The stars have something to say, too. Aries, Libras and Scorpios are likeliest to believe that opposites attract (76% each), while Tauruses are the most skeptical (16%).
Geminis were likely to prioritize looking for someone different from them (25%), but the signs most likely to actually date their opposite are Tauruses (14%), Libras (11%) and Sagittariuses (10%).

On the other hand, those most likely to date within their own sign are Capricorns (16%) and Cancers (11%).

Although respondents swear by the science of “opposites attract,” nearly half admit that they were looking for someone with more similarities when they were searching for their partner (47%), while just 21% were looking for the opposite.

On average, Americans believe that two people should share 54% of similarities in order for a relationship to be successful.

Respondents especially share core values (58%), family and future goals (54%) and relationship boundaries (48%) with their partner — and voted these the top three to have similarities in.

Where they tend to have the fewest similarities are career goals (16%), fitness and health (19%) and hobbies (22%); just 22% think it’s important to have similar sexual desires.

Those surveyed wish that their partner shared more similarities in their love language (22%), entertainment preferences (21%) and hobbies (21%); one in five wish their sexual desires were more aligned (18%).

“The enduring question of whether opposites attract is often highlighted in romantic narratives, leading to the misconception that differing personalities are essential for a successful relationship. However, long-term experience suggests that shared similarities, coupled with open communication and honesty, particularly in intimate matters, are the true foundations of stronger, healthier relationships,” says Luka Matutinovec, the chief marketing officer of sexual wellness brand, LELO.

This still has time to change: A third of respondents said that it originally felt like they and their partner were more different than one another (32%), but 60% said they share more similarities than differences now.

Three-quarters of those surveyed said their partner introduced them to new things that they never would have tried without them.

Even where they differ, eight in 10 said their partner’s differences complete them, and vice versa (77%).

Their partner shines in areas that they don’t — like car maintenance (35%), being handy at home (23%), saving money (18%), wrapping gifts (14%) and cooking (14%).
Despite their differences, most respondents can’t imagine life without their partner anymore (84%) — including a majority of those who say their partner is their opposite (86%).

“When talking about differences (or similarities) between partners, it's interesting to note that 47% of respondents believe that variations in sex toy preferences could lead to a more exciting intimate life. This just serves to prove that in all aspects, even when it comes to a thing like deciding on the toy the couple will use together, birds of a feather do flock together,” said Matutinovic.

HOW RESPONDENTS AND THEIR PARTNERS FIT INTO “OPPOSITES ATTRACT”
● I'm social and extroverted and he is shy and introverted
● I like to be active but my wife is a couch potato
● My partner is serious and I am super friendly with everyone
● He likes to sleep in a messy bed with lots of covers and I like a neat bed with less covers
● My husband is very calm, nothing upsets him and I am the total opposite: I get mad very quickly
● I’m a huge worrier and he is the opposite
● My husband loves all types of food, I have a very limited palate
● I am a night owl and he is a morning person
● My partner loves quiet nights in, while I enjoy going out and socializing
● I am very calm and like a plan and my husband is spontaneous and carefree
● My husband looks at short-term plans, while I tend to look at long-term planning
● He loves the mountains and hates the beach. I love the beach and choose it over the mountains
● He's a country boy and I'm a city girl

Survey methodology:
Talker Research surveyed 2,000 Americans in a relationship; the survey was commissioned by LELO and administered and conducted online by Talker Research between Sep. 18 and Sep. 24, 2025.

We are sourcing from a non-probability frame and the two main sources we use are:
● Traditional online access panels — where respondents opt-in to take part in online market research for an incentive
● Programmatic — where respondents are online and are given the option to take part in a survey to receive a virtual incentive usually related to the online activity they are engaging in
Those who did not fit the specified sample were terminated from the survey. As the survey is fielded, dynamic online sampling is used, adjusting targeting to achieve the quotas specified as part of the sampling plan.

Regardless of which sources a respondent came from, they were directed to an Online Survey, where the survey was conducted in English; a link to the questionnaire can be shared upon request. Respondents were awarded points for completing the survey. These points have a small cash-equivalent monetary value.

Cells are only reported on for analysis if they have a minimum of 80 respondents, and statistical significance is calculated at the 95% level. Data is not weighted, but quotas and other parameters are put in place to reach the desired sample.

Interviews are excluded from the final analysis if they failed quality-checking measures. This includes:
● Speeders: Respondents who complete the survey in a time that is quicker than one-third of the median length of interview are disqualified as speeders
● Open ends: All verbatim responses (full open-ended questions as well as other please specify options) are checked for inappropriate or irrelevant text
● Bots: Captcha is enabled on surveys, which allows the research team to identify and disqualify bots
● Duplicates: Survey software has “deduping” based on digital fingerprinting, which ensures nobody is allowed to take the survey more than once
It is worth noting that this survey was only available to individuals with internet access, and the results may not be generalizable to those without internet access.