Kimmel Says ‘There Is No Antifa,’ ‘An Entirely Imaginary Organization’

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NOEM: “We have arrested dozens of individuals that are Antifa members or affiliated with them. And I want to thank our attorney general for prosecuting them and making sure they never see the light of day again.”
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KIMMEL: “That’s just Secretary of Homeland Security suggesting we lock American protesters up for life.”

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NOEM: “They have been so bold in making sure we’re bringing those individuals to justice. One of the individuals we arrested recently in Portland was the girlfriend of one of the Founders of Antifa.”
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KIMMEL: “Finally! They got the girlfriend of one of the Founders of Antifa!
(Applause)
You understand, there is no Antifa? This is an entirely imaginary organization. There is not an Antifa. This is no different than if they announced they rounded up a dozen Decepticons. ‘We’ve captured the Chupacabra, everyone!’ And then it was Trump’s turn to ratchet up the rhetoric with fiery images conjured from — no one has any idea where.”

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Trump: “One thing I have to say is that Washington, D.C. was almost as bad — I don’t know what can be worse than Portland. They don’t even have stores anymore. They don’t even put glass up. They put plywood on their windows.”
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KIMMEL: “These poor people. They look out the window, they see wood! They don’t have glass. I don’t know what is scarier, the idea that he’s making this all up or that he might actually believe this. There are no stores in Portland? It’s as if he’s getting his intelligence briefings from reruns of ‘The Walking Dead.’
(Laughter)
Last night, we invited our viewers who are living in the post-apocalyptic wastelands of Chicago and Washington and Memphis and Portland to show us their hellholes. And we got a lot of videos from our friends in Portland!”

[Clip starts]
UNKNOWN: “This is TJ Elliott reporting from war-ravaged Portland. You can see that the carnage here on the streets is amazing. People are fleeing because they can’t get reservations at the restaurants.”
(...)
UNKNOWN: “Don’t know if you can hear that. That’s the drum circle. Very dangerous. You don’t know what they’re hiding in their drums.”
(...)
UNKNOWN: “Oh, my gosh, it’s so scary here that the dogs need protective eyewear.”
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UNKNOWN: “One way I can tell that I’m behind enemy lines is that signs like this one here. I mean, clearly, this is a whole socialist, anarchist order, getting rid of old breakfast and insisting that we all choose their new breakfast.”
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UNKNOWN: “I’m in front of the ICE facility currently. It’s terrifying down here. I have 16 flak jackets on because there are about 12 anemic baristas over here. These violent thugs behind me that are knitting over here just pet my dog. Can you believe this? Thank you, President Trump. Thank you, Kristi Noem. Thank you for defending us.”
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KIMMEL: “Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing that with us.”