Why This One Thing Destroys Connection

Defensiveness might feel like self-protection in the moment, but it’s one of the biggest barriers to intimacy.
Here’s the problem: when we feel accused or misunderstood, our instinct is to justify or deflect.
“You forgot to buy yogurt.”
“Well, you didn’t remind me—and you forget things too.”

Sound familiar? That’s defensiveness. It shifts focus away from responsibility and turns connection into competition. Instead of hearing our spouse’s need, we start proving our innocence.

The key to disarming defensiveness is humility. Own even a small part of what’s true. “You’re right, I forgot. I’ll make sure to get it tomorrow.” That one moment of accountability opens the door for understanding instead of argument.

This is the kind of transformation we work on inside Marriage in Bloom, my six-month marriage intensive that helps couples move from reaction to restoration.
👉 https://debbiecaudle.com/marriageinbloom/

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