Training Video Material

Incident Report to Super Earth High Command

Filed By: Helldiver Rubber Duck
Designation: S.E.S. Soul of Audacity
Incident Type: Fatal Training Miscalculation
Location: Classified Combat Zone — Planetary Surface Drop
Involved Personnel:

Helldiver Rubber Duck (Reporting Officer)
Helldiver Wolf (Deceased Upon Impact)
Helldiver Brasta
Helldiver Mario

Incident Summary:
Moments after atmospheric insertion, the squad began deploying stratagems in preparation for combat operations. During this process, an energy shield was deployed alarmingly close to the reporting Helldiver. Upon verbal inquiry — “Who the hell threw that so close to me?” — it was quickly deduced that the perpetrator was Helldiver Wolf, whose historical enthusiasm for full-body shielding is well documented.

Shortly thereafter, Wolf attempted to synchronize a jump from his personal Hellpod to coincide with its landing impact — presumably to achieve a dramatic, morale-boosting bounce effect.

Result:
The Hellpod, unimpressed by Wolf’s timing, made direct midair contact with the Helldiver, resulting in instantaneous and highly patriotic self-termination.

Casualty Report:

Wolf: KIA via blunt-force Hellpod impact

Squad Morale: Elevated due to comedic absurdity

Mission Integrity: Maintained

Squad Observations:

Mario: “I look away for one second, and you guys are already dying.”

Duck: “Oh my god, Wolf… that’s going to be in a training video of what not to do.”

Wolf “I’m mad at myself for that one.”

Command Recommendation:
Include this footage in future Super Earth Training Modules under the heading:

“Advanced Stratagem Deployment — Common Errors in Hellpod Jump Synchronization.”

🎨 Pixel artwork by Cronos-99 — thanks for letting us use your art!