The Funniest and Most F*cked Up Stories From Retired Marine First Sergeant

Nov 2, 2025 U.S. Marines
This might be one of the wildest Marine Corps stories we’ve ever had on the show. Retired Marine First Sergeant Randall Parkes sat down with Urban Valor to share some of the funniest, most unbelievable, and downright fcked up* moments from his 20 years in the U.S. Marine Corps. From barracks inspections gone wrong, to combat deployments in Iraq and Afghanistan, to a real-life rescue that helped spark the Abraham Accords — this episode has everything.

Randall gets brutally honest about what it’s like to lead Marines, deal with chaos as a First Sergeant, and balance discipline with dark military humor. He shares raw, hilarious, and emotional moments from his time in recon, MARSOC, boot camp, and even his post-military life — from real estate success to landing a job at Anduril.

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Video chapters:
0:00 – Flashlight Incident & Barracks Inspection Chaos
2:00 – Marine Corps Wartime Service Overview
3:50 – First Deployment & Recon Battalion Life
6:00 – Becoming a First Sergeant: The Good, Bad & Absurd
10:00 – DUI Drama & Naked Room Inspections
16:00 – Life on Ship & Wild Company Commanders
20:45 – Djibouti Jump Missions & Mission Cancellations
23:50 – Corpsman Save Emirati Prince's Life
27:00 – Condom Bowl Fiasco
30:00 – Transition to Drill Instructor Life in San Diego
34:30 – Depot Life & Suicide Watch Recruit
37:00 – Thumbtack Inspection & Culture Shift in Training
41:00 – Screwing With Recruits (In Good Fun)
44:15 – First Transgender Recruit Experience
50:00 – Honest Reflection on Inclusive Boot Camp
55:00 – Career Climax & Transition Plans
1:03:00 – Battles with Retirement Orders
1:10:00 – Hating Corporate Life After Service
1:15:00 – Finding New Purpose at Anduril
1:17:00 – Final Reflections: From First Sergeant to Civilian

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