How to start friendships

How to start friendships

We live in an age of increasing social isolation. Hermit-like existence.

(Bar from this category: Great geniuses, the quality of their work was so intense and so far-seeing that they were misunderstood by the people of their time, and therefore led solitary existences. They were not antisocial, but rather an indication of the stupidity of the society in which they lived).

We need to be good company to ourselves.
We need to make good bonds with our fellow humans.
The art of living with other people in the art of making friends.
Those who need friends are the least schooled in making friends.
Even if you can make friends – the art is keeping their friends – holding on to your friends.

The ‘follow-through’ is the most difficult.
Socially adjusted versus non-socially adjusted.
Compliment people daily.
There is no art in finding defects in people. Anyone can spot defects- foolish habits.

It is much more difficult to find something good about someone.
No-one wishes to know they have grey hair – but everyone wishes to know they have chosen a good color scheme.
If you know someone has a good hobby – ask them about their hobby. Draw them out their shell.

There is no human being who does not like an audience, and an opportunity to expand their ego.
If you meet someone who has built a bridge, written a book, they love to hear your appreciation.

Compliment them on the quality of their laughter, the color of their tie, encourage your fellow human.

How to maintain a friendship:

Friendships develop under the warm sun of mutual admiration.
Minimize your own interests and accomplishments – no matter how great they are. Emphasize your friends interests and accomplishments.
Try reserve and suspend judgements.

Begin a conversation with neighbor or person in a queue simply for the purpose of initiating conversation. Use common sense. Find someone with similar interests. Most people in queue are as lonely as you. No one says a word and everyone is lonely and depressed. You must be more intelligent and courageous and initiate the conversation. This is the first step in social rapport.
In my experience a courteous or kind word of greeting or interest is almost never rebuffed if it is genuine. Great humans should never be insulted by a genuine word.

Breaking the ice. You do not need to discuss Kantian metaphysics of Einsteinian Relativity – You can discuss the weather or football. The smallest topics are the best. These are the lubricating oil of everyday life.
Ask the time! Go to a stranger and ask the time. Train yourself.
Then follow through. Be kind to the elderly and the overlooked in society. The wallflowers. Be kind to cripples, the shy and the timid souls. All those who ‘shrink’ away from social contacts. Talk to the elderly.

Hints on social success:

Make yourself valuable to those who are in the mad rush.
Traditional means of meeting people are now inadequate.
Nothing is insincere and hypocritical if it extends and enriches human relations.
Master the philosophy of friendship and a constructive social life.
Increase your social horizons.
Telephone an old friend.
Invite someone for coffee.
Express concern or interest in others.

Reference:
WB Wolfe. How to Be Happy Though Human. 2017. McAllister Editions. Page 266.